Twisted Fate
by Misagi
Summary: What if it was Onodera's family that was falling apart? What if loving Takano was the only thing keeping him sane during his high school years? How will Onodera cope after their relationship falls apart and will they be able to get over the past and love each other again after being separated for 10 years? – Warning of violence, drugs, alcohol, sex, suicide and self-harm.
1. Chapter 1

**Twisted Fate**

**Full Summary**: _What if it was Onodera's family that was falling apart? What if loving Takano was the only thing keeping him sane during his high school years? How will Onodera cope after their relationship falls apart and will they be able to get over the past and love each other again after being separated for 10 years? – Warning of violence, drugs, alcohol, sex, suicide and self-harm. – yeah…you've been warned._

**Ah, also OOC, but then that's kind of given as their lives are completely different XD**  
**but I will stick to their personalities as much as possible.**

**Also, Nowaki and Hiroki are in this so it's a little cross-over.**

Enjoy! ^^

I'm rubbish at coming up with chapter titles so they're just gonna be chapter 1 etc :3

Please review because I would love to know what you all think ^^

Rated** M** just to be safe XD

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT SEKAIICHI HATSUKOI OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS**

**THE ONLY THING THAT IS MINE IS THE PLOT**

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Chapter 1

Lights flashed, music blared out the speakers and Onodera Ritsu threw his head back in ecstasy. He had lost count of the number of drinks he'd had, the number of pills that had been 'slipped' into his drinks, but he didn't care. He ground up against the nearest person and felt them pull him closer, through his blurry vision he saw it was a man much taller than him with blonde, sweaty locks sticking to his forehead and neck. Onodera wrapped his arms around the man's neck and danced like their bodies were glued together.

He felt himself being pulled off the dance floor and into a dark corner where drunk, wet lips immediately smothered his. Onodera allowed himself to be swept away by this man he'd only just met, finding the sensation not unpleasant. After all, he'd slept with many men, this was nothing new to him. He felt hot, sticky hands making their way up his top to fondle his nipples. He let out a moan and he man smiled, leaning in to his ear, "Want to take this somewhere more private?"

Onodera woke to find himself enclosed in someone's arms. He lifted his hand to try and rub away his pounding headache. Onodera turned his head to see the man wasn't as good-looking as he remembered him to be the night before, he pulled a face and slowly untangled himself. He'd become an expert at sneaking out of rooms before the other person woke up, he hated the morning after, it usually involved more sex and then getting left on his own sprawled on the bed. Quickly getting dressed and promising himself a shower when he got home, he was about to leave when the man's trousers on the floor caught his eye. He searched the pockets for a wallet and smiled, this guy was obviously quite rich. He took a wad of notes and tucked them in his jacket pocket before practically running out the room.

Onodera somehow managed to find his way back to his apartment, and as he struggled to get his keys out his pocket his neighbor, Nowaki, was just coming out of his apartment next door. Managing to free his keys, he now found it almost impossible to fit the key into the lock. He sighed in frustration and dropped the keys, "Damn it all." Onodera kicked his keys and heard a small chuckle to his right. He turned and was about to shout at the person, but realizing it was Nowaki, his anger died down a bit.

Nowaki took pity on his neighbor and picked up the keys, opening the door for him. "There you go. Try not to stay out too late next time, okay?"

Onodera waved away his concern before retrieving his keys and slamming his apartment door behind him. Nowaki had been kind enough to offer him a part-time job at the little flower shop around a month ago after finding Onodera collapsed outside his apartment. He didn't earn much but it was enough to get him by as the apartment was one of the cheapest you could get and he was hardly ever home so the utility bills didn't cost him much either.

Onodera threw off his shoes and trudged through the mess to the sofa that was covered in clothes, old instant ramen pots and empty alcohol bottles. He shoved it all off and sank into the sofa cushions, feeling an old spring under his thigh. He shifted uncomfortably as it dug into old wounds. After a few minutes of just staring into space he decided to keep to his promise and take a shower.

Onodera stripped himself of his clothes and climbed into the shower, not bothering about the temperature of the water. As he stood there he felt stings over his body, he looked down to see the cuts on his stomach had opened up a little, so had the ones on his arms. How rough had that guy been with him last night? His body was used to the intrusions so he felt no pain in that respect.

He stepped out the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist, he glanced up at the mirror and made a disgusted face. He had lost so much weight that his cheeks looked hollow and he had bags under his eyes from lack of sleep. He leaned in closer and studied himself critically, he supposed he shouldn't have been so judgmental of the man he slept with last night, Onodera knew he wasn't much to look at. It always surprised him when no one made a comment about the scars and cuts that littered his body, but then no one ever really looked at him to be able to see them. He felt tears prick the corner of his eyes and he wiped them away quickly. With shaking hands, he slid the mirror across to show two shelves full of bottles and packets of all kinds of pills.

In his haste to get the ones he wanted, bottles and packets fell into the sink, making loud clinking noises that were too much for his headache. He poured a couple of anti-depressants into his palm and stared at them for a couple of seconds before shoving them in his mouth and swallowing without any water. He nearly choked but with the horrible feeling of them slowly sliding down his throat he managed to swallow them.

He put the bottle back on the shelf and carefully placed the others back before wandering out the bathroom and nudging different piles of clothes to find something decent to put on. He settled for a pair of dark blue slacks and a baggy white t-shirt. Just as he was pulling on the t-shirt there was a gentle knock on the door. Onodera frowned and began to towel dry his hair, attempting to ignore the constant knocking at the door. He led back on the sofa and put the towel over his eyes before trying to take a nap so he didn't have to feel the nausea that came after taking his pills.

Finally the knocking stopped, only to be followed by the sound of his door being opened. Onodera shot up and ran to the hallway, only to see Nowaki stepping in with an apologetic look on his face. "I got a spare key off the landlord a while ago. I've been worried about you recently."

Onodera nodded, not caring if it was Nowaki, and padded back to the sofa. This was only the second time Nowaki had been in the apartment and he saw that it was in a really bad state. He scrunched up his nose at the smell but made no comment as he knew it would hurt Onodera's feelings.

"Onodera-kun, I brought some food. You looked a little…ill this morning." Nowaki was fully aware of what Onodera got up to, it was hard not be after hearing everything that goes on through the thin walls.

"Thanks."

Nowaki smiled and made his way to the kitchen, trying not to fall over. "Ne, Onodera-kun, how about we tidy this up a bit?"  
Onodera scanned his apartment and shrugged, "It'll only get messy again."

Nowaki put the bag of food on the side by the cooker and shrugged off his jacket, rolling up his sleeves. "Still, you can't live in a place like this Onodera-kun. I would let you stay at mine but-"

Onodera laughed and cut him off, "But you have a boyfriend, right? I can hear you through these walls. Seems you're not shy of the time of day, huh?"

Onodera felt a little mean for teasing the only person who had been nice to him, but he couldn't help it, his personality was twisted. Nowaki felt his cheeks getting a little hot, but ignored the comment and started to pick up dirty clothes. "My schedule and Hiro-san's schedule don't always match up."

"Hmm."

"Do you have anywhere we can put all the dirty clothes so we can clear some floor space?"  
Onodera pointed to the door on his right, "Just put them on my bed." He followed Nowaki with his eyes and wondered why Nowaki even bothered being so nice to him, no one else bothered to put up with his nasty personality.

"Nowaki?"

"Hai?"

Onodera leaned on the doorframe of his room and ruffled his hair, feeling uncomfortable. "G-gomen."

Nowaki looked up, surprised at the sudden apology, "Eh? What for?"

Onodera shrugged and went to pick up some clothes, "Nothing."

Nowaki smiled and came over to pat Onodera on the shoulder, "Let's get this apartment cleaned up." Onodera nodded and threw the clothes he's picked up onto his bed, not liking the slightly hot feeling on his cheeks. Was he blushing? He quickly got to work on cleaning to hide his embarrassment. Nowaki glanced over at Onodera and smiled slightly, noticing the flushed cheeks of his neighbor.

It took most of the day to get the apartment clean and by that time Onodera felt exhausted. He fell back onto the sofa and felt something sticky on his stomach, he looked down to find a red stain in the middle. He placed his hand over it as Nowaki brought some iced tea over. "Thanks."

Onodera hoped Nowaki would leave soon so he could tend to his wounds. "Onodera-kun you're bleeding."

"Eh?"

He looked down to see the blood had expanded beyond the confines of his hand. Nowaki gently pulled Onodera's hand away, he'd treated Onodera's cuts many times after realizing what his neighbor did to himself. He knew he couldn't talk Onodera out of it, he just hoped that his treating them would help. "I'll go and get my first aid kit." Onodera simply nodded and stared hard at the now clean floor.

He placed his glass on the coffee table and pulled his shirt over his head, though he avoided looking down, he didn't want to see the ugliness of his scars then.

Nowaki came back in carrying a green box in one hand and a bowl of warm water in the other. He knelt down in front of Onodera and began to gently wash away the blood with a damp cloth. "Onodera-kun why do you do this to yourself?"

Nowaki knew he wouldn't get a reply so instead he sighed and cleaned up the wounds with disinfectant before putting plasters over the wounds. "Onodera-kun if you cut any deeper-"

Onodera stopped him talking by standing up and going over to his fridge, he needed something stronger than iced tea. "Thanks for your help today."

Nowaki put his things away and stood slowly, sad eyes studying the body that was covered in cuts and scars. "You're welcome. You know where I am if you need me."

Onodera took a gulp of liquid from the bottle and pointed towards Nowaki's apartment, "Your boyfriend just got home."

Nowaki's face lit up a little and quickly rushed from the apartment, calling a goodbye over his shoulder before shutting the door behind him. Onodera could hear almost every word between the two and before long he heard the creaking of bed springs. He didn't want to hear any more of their bedroom activities so pulled on a hoodie and left his apartment, bottle still in hand.

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**Thank you very much for reading the first chapter of Twisted Fate! ^^  
*Gomen means sorry**

****Hai means yes**

**i'm sorry that Onodera is so out of character, but he has to be this way for the story to make sense so please don't be too angry with me! XD**

**please pleeeease review so i know what you think, because it will give me an extra boost when writing the next chapter ^^**

**i know that i skipped out some lemon (Onodera and random blondie) but i thought it would just interrupt the flow of the story so early on, plus Onodera probably doesn't remember much of what happened so you don't get to see it either...mwahahaha**

**Next chapter coming soon! ^^**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

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Onodera put the bottle to his lips and took a large swig before staggering down the street, he noticed but didn't care about the stares he was getting from people. It was only 6pm and he was already drunk. Onodera leaned against a wall and drank the rest of the bottle in one, not bothering to wipe off the alcohol that dribbled down his chin. He sank down to the floor and stared up at the sky, noticing that the sun was starting to set, he sighed and wondered to himself why he even bothered anymore. His eyes scanned the people walking past, hurrying their steps as they avoided the drunken mess on the floor. Onodera felt his eyes sliding shut and heard the clink of the bottle on the pavement as it rolled out of his hand and hit a passer-by on the foot. Onodera mumbled an apology that was barely audible even to him, somehow managed to lift his head to see who it was and watched absently as the person crouched in front of him and waved their hand in front of his face. "Completely drunk. How disgusting. You know, if you're going to get this drunk at least do it where people can't see you."

Onodera frowned at this person's rudeness and went to protest but couldn't form his words properly, instead it just came out as a slur of words. Though he did manage to poke the person on the shoulder, he felt satisfied with that and smiled smugly at the person in front of him as if he'd won.

"You have serious problems."

Onodera laughed and tried to stand up, but felt his legs give under him and a warm, strong arm wrap around his waist to hold him up. "Can't even stand on your own."

Onodera felt his feet leave the ground and suddenly he was on the person's back, he tried to protest but again his words all slurred into one. He felt the warmth of the person's back through his hoodie and felt the steady beat of their heart relaxing him. The first words he said that made any sense were, "So warm." He felt the person's back rumble as they laughed.

"I'll take you back to mine until you sober up." Onodera was too close to passing out to understand what they said, so he just agreed before falling into darkness.

A loud thumping sound woke Onodera from his comatose-like sleep. He groaned and sat up slowly, feeling blankets slide off his torso. He looked around him to find an unfamiliar apartment and a man stood in the small kitchen murdering vegetables. Onodera laughed and the man turned, his sharp, light brown eyes snapped over to him. Onodera's breath caught in his throat, those eyes looked so familiar, and the shade he remembered like no other. The way they darkened around the pupil he wouldn't mistake on anyone else. "Senpai."

The man stood in the kitchen looked at him dumbfounded, "Hah? Senpai? I think you're still drunk."

Onodera rubbed his eyes and frowned, he studied those eyes again and knew he wasn't mistaken, but this man didn't seem to recognize him at all. Onodera felt relieved at this and decided to find a way out of this apartment as quickly as possible.

He threw the blanket off of him and jumped off the sofa in an attempt to run from all the memories that were now bombarding his already sore head. He stumbled and fell to the floor, only just managing to catch himself before smacking his head on the wooden floor. Strong arms held him under his arms and helped him back to the sofa, "I'm Takano Masamune, and you are?"  
Onodera looked down at the floor frowning, Takano? As far as he could remember his senpai's surname was Saga. Had his parents divorced since? Onodera quickly shook his head and ran his hands through his hair, pulling at it painfully. He didn't want these thoughts and memories back. He'd tried so hard to forget, only to have his effort of 10 years thrown away in less than a minute. "Oi, it's rude not to answer when someone asks you a question."

Onodera stood up and rubbed his sweaty palms on his slacks, the need to cut suddenly rising with such force he found it hard to breathe. "Can I borrow your bathroom?"  
Takano noticed the paling of the man's skin and nodded, pointing to a door at the end of the hall, "It's just down there."

Onodera sprinted for the bathroom and shut and locked the door before collapsing onto the toilet seat. His hands shook vigorously and he tried to stop them by clasping them tightly together. He tried desperately to slow his breathing but this only caused his breathing to become more erratic and more unstable. Black dots covered his vision and he felt himself sliding off the toilet, hitting the tiled floor hard, causing a sticky warmth to seep from the side of his head. "Saga-senpai." Onodera reached towards the door and managed to flip the lock before feeling exhaustion sweep over his weak limbs and he fell back onto the floor. "S-saga…" He trailed off as his body began to shut down, trying to protect itself, while still trying to cope with the amount of alcohol Onodera had consumed.

Takano heard a bump from the bathroom and paused his attempts at cutting a carrot, not hearing any other sounds he went back to making this soup for the strange man he'd let into his apartment. He couldn't tell you why, normally he would walk straight past a drunkard with a slightly disgusted face and not think on it again. There was just something about this one, his eyes seemed so sad and empty, he couldn't help taking pity on him. Just like that cat he'd rescued back in high school, Sorata.

He dumped the carrots into the pot and gave it a stir, not really sure if he was doing this right, but hoping the man would appreciate his efforts anyway. He heard the lock flip and looked over but the door stayed closed. He frowned and put the lid on the pot and made his way over to the door, he pressed his ear to the door and heard heavy breathing inside, he pulled a face and hoped the man was not pleasuring himself in there. "Oi, Yopparai-san, are you okay in there?" He knocked on the door and heard a moan from the other side, "Oh please no."

He opened the door slowly, planning to punch the guy in the face if he was.

To Takano's shock Yopparai-san was sprawled on the floor looking like death. Takano crouched next to the man and shook his shoulder a little roughly, "Oi."

Onodera felt himself being shaken but couldn't respond properly except his eyelids fluttered open to see Takano looking down at him, worry written all over his face. Forgetting the pain that caused this in the first place, Onodera reached up to touch the man's face, "Senpai…" Takano hauled Onodera into his arms and carefully carried him princess-style over to his bed. "Senpai."

"I'm not your senpai." Takano held the man in a sitting position while he tried to take the hoodie off that was now drenched in sweat.

"Senpai if you want to see me naked you only have to ask. We did it before, remember?" In his completely drunk state, Onodera didn't care about the words that came spilling out of his mouth, nor the fact that Takano was about to see exactly what Onodera didn't want him to ever see. His scars.

He weakly struggled against Takano trying to pull up his jumper, "Senpai I don't want to. Don't be so mean. Pervert-senpai."

Takano felt like punching the guy. "I'm not your senpai and you can't stay in these clothes." He scrunched up his nose, wondering when these clothes had last been washed. "Yopparai-san, sit still."

Onodera looked up at him confused, his head not able to stay still, "Who's Yopparai-san? Senpai are you cheating on me?" Onodera felt a stabbing pain in his already shattered heart and felt his world cave in as he collapsed into his ex-lover's arms.

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**I hope you enjoyed this chapter! ^^  
i know it's not as long as the first but i felt this was the right place to end it :)  
please review and favourite! hehe :3**

**Yopparai means drunk in japanese (or so i'm told) so Takano is called onodera drunk-san ^^ **

**please be patient for the next chapter and i hope you enjoy the rest of the story as it comes ^^**

**cao**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 - 10 years ago

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"We…we're going out right?" There was an awkward pause as Onodera clutched at his white school shirt. "Well…I'm just wondering because you never say anything, senpai." There was another pause, longer than the first and enough to make Onodera's cheeks flush with embarrassment and his hand began to shake as he held even tighter to his shirt. "Senpai…do you like me?"

Onodera didn't dare to glance at his senpai through his hair, he was too scared of the answer. He knew it was weird. They were both guys and like Saga-senpai had pointed out before, they didn't really know each other. He tried to prepare his heart for the rejection but what he got was worse. Much worse.

"Ha."

Onodera looked up in shock. Had senpai just laughed at him? He felt his fragile world shatter around him and he jumped off the bed and bowed stuttering his apologies before running, teary eyed out of senpai's house. Over the sound of his pounding heart and the rushing in his ears he couldn't hear Saga-senpai shouting after him, his heart just as broken and confused.

Onodera reached his house, though he had no idea how he'd managed to find it, he wasn't even paying attention to where he was running. He just knew he had to get away, as far away from senpai as possible. How could he have been so stupid? He should have realized Saga-senpai was only messing around with him. What kind of person would want to go out with him? And a guy at that! Onodera furiously wiped away his tears and leaned on the wall outside his house to catch his breath before taking tentative steps towards the front door. He wondered if either of his parents would be in, and winced at the thought of it. If his mother was home she was with another man, if his father was home he would shout at and hit Onodera for no reason.

He slid his key into the lock and slowly pulled the front door open. He sighed in relief to see no one was home. Kicking off his shoes, he trudged up the stairs and threw himself face-down onto his bed. "Saga-senpai." He pulled his pillow to him and cried into it to try to muffle his tears.

He wasn't sure how long he'd led like that, but finally he sat up and stretched the cramp out of his muscles. His head hurt and his eyes were sore from all the crying, he'd finally run out of tears and instead of feeling better it made him feel empty inside. He rubbed his stomach and slowly made his way down the stairs. He searched the cupboards in the kitchen and in the top right cupboard, right at the back was his father's stash of alcohol. He pulled out the first bottle he found and saw it was a full bottle of sake. He smiled and twisted the lid to open it before touching the bottle to his lips and tipping his head back, taking a big swig as he'd seen his father do so many times.

He quickly brought his head down and began to choke as the acrid flavor overpowered his taste buds. He ran over to the sink and choked some of it back up. He placed the bottle on the side and wiped his mouth on the back of his sleeve. He eyed the bottle, already feelings the effects of it as the alcohol got into his system. He'd never tried any kind of alcohol before, and he was curious why his father seemed so addicted to it. But as his head began to feel lighter, he realized it was getting easier to forget that night's events. He took a deep breath and lifted the bottle to his lips once more, screwing his face up at the taste but enjoying the warmth as it slid down his throat. He let out a long breath after swallowing the sake and smiled to himself, so this was why his father drank so much. The light feeling he got inside as the world suddenly seemed so colourful and pretty. He swayed on the spot as he drank more of the deliciously warm liquid.

Onodera began laughing to himself as he staggered on wobbly legs into the living room. He found a controller and switched on the TV, he stood in front of it, pointing at random things and finding them hilarious. After a few minutes of this, he got bored and searched the living room for something else to do, while taking sips of sake as he went.

After a few hours of stumbling around the living room, he sat on the sofa and ruffled his hair. Tears suddenly sprang from his eyes and he looked up at the ceiling. "Senpai." He closed his eyes and imagined senpai's warm arms around him and he led down with a smile on his face, falling into a light doze, still clutching the bottle in one hand.

He was woken with a jolt as he heard plates being smashed in the kitchen. He frowned at his pounding headache and looked down at the half empty bottle of sake still clutched in his right hand. He heard the shouts of his parents and wished for the happy oblivion of the drink again. Not caring about his headache or the consequences, he drank more of the sake and this time the dizziness came quicker than before. However, it didn't bring the peace he'd had before, this time it just made him even more sad and angry. He stood from the sofa and headed towards the sound of more smashing plates and raised voices. He drank more and then leaned on the door frame of the kitchen. "Oi."

His voice was too quiet to be heard over the shouting, he rubbed his sore head and shouted as loud as he could. "Listen to me!"

The shouting abruptly stopped and both parents turned, shocked that their son had raised his voice like that. It didn't take them long to notice the state he was in, or the almost empty bottle of sake clutched in his trembling hand. "Ritsu why are you drinking?"

His mother ran over to him and clutched his face in her hands. He hiccupped and felt more tears welling in his eyes, his mother swayed in his vision and he dropped the bottle on the floor, causing it to smash and the remaining sake to soak his school trousers. "Ristu answer me."

He shook his head and felt his bottom lip wobble before he saw with horror his father storming over. He tried to back away but his foot slipped in the sake and he ended up sprawled on the floor. His mother was pushed roughly aside and his father bent down to grab the front of Onodera's shirt that was still open from his time at Saga-senpai's house. "What is wrong with you boy? How dare you steal from me?" Suddenly all Onodera knew was a blinding pain on the side of his face and a warm trickle of blood sliding down from his lip. He looked up at his father and wiped the blood away, the alcohol in his system giving him foolish courage.

His father slapped him again and hauled him to his feet. "I told her we shouldn't have had you. I knew you would be trouble from the start." Onodera merely smiled at his father, knowing it would annoy him further, but this was what Onodera wanted. The pain from his father's abuse was enough to block out all his thoughts and painful feelings. Even if it was only fleeting, it worked better than the sake and better than anything else he could have tried.

His father growled and threw his son across the room, loosening his tie he knelt by the slumped mess on the floor and punched anywhere he could reach. It enraged him even more when the boy kept that dumb smile on his face. Neither father nor son were aware of the crying and screaming of the mother in the background, begging for him to stop and leave the boy alone.

Onodera felt each punch and even though the pain was becoming unbearable, it was nothing compared to the heartbreak and all the emotions he'd tried to keep hidden from everyone for so long.

"Look at me, boy." Onodera's bloodshot eyes turned to look at his father. "You should never have been born."

Onodera felt the last piece of his heart flutter away and all that was left in front of his father was an empty shell of what used to be a happy, young boy in love with his senpai and getting good grades in school. Finally losing it, his father pulled his tie off and wrapped it around the young boy's throat. "Teach you not to steal from me again."

Onodera felt the tie tightening around his throat, but the painful throbbing of his body was weakening him as each second went past, he knew he wouldn't be able to struggle against the suffocation. As he gasped for air, his head was filled with one thing. Saga-senpai's gentle smile as he held him and told him that he loved him. Onodera whispered senpai's name as he felt the world closing in around him and he shut his eyes so he could think of Saga-senpai instead of see the enraged face of his father.

Instead of feeling all the pain and sorrow from his rejection of his first love, Onodera felt peaceful, imaging strong, warm arms wrapping around him and the butterfly touch of lips on his. "Aishiteiru."

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**gaaaaa i felt so awful writing this chapter about Onodera T_T**

**but i hope you liked it - please review and let me know what you think ^^**

***sake is rice wine, it's a japanese alcohol that is actually quite strong and is very easy to get drunk on**

****Aishiteiru means i love you, but it is a very intimate form and is rarely used in japan, the most common ones are suki or daisuki  
i used Aishiteiru because i felt it fit the situation more than the other two ^^**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

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**Hello everyone! ^^**  
**i'm soooo sorry that this took so long to update but i really struggled getting this chapter right**

**so i hope you enjoy it a lot ^^**

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Takano stared down at Yopparai-san as he thrashed around in the bed sheets, he wondered what kind of nightmare the poor guy must be having. He sighed and put his glass of water down on the bedside table before reaching over to the slim shoulders and holding them firmly. He noticed that the skin under the jumper was slick with sweat and he made a face as a bead of sweat made a trail down Onodera's temple. "Yopparai-san." The figure under him started to calm down a little and Takano sat on the edge of the bed, giving the boney shoulders a small shake. "Yopparai-san." He couldn't help the irritation that filled his voice, it wasn't his fault that the man couldn't hold his drink. He shook the shoulders a little harder and was tempted to slap the guy in the face to wake him up but just then he noticed a pair of emerald green eyes staring up at him, still slightly dazed. The sound of Onodera's heavy breathing was all that could be heard as they stared at each other for what seemed like forever until tears suddenly began to roll down his thin cheeks and Takano sat frozen, not sure what to do. "S-senpai." Onodera threw himself at Takano and wrapped his arms around the warm body, clutching onto anything that meant he was in the present and not back in the suffocating hands of his father.

After hearing the distraught tone in Onodera's voice Takano didn't have the heart to correct him or push him away, so instead his arms slid round the small frame and he pulled the teary-eyed man closer. "It's okay to cry."

Suddenly huge, chest-wracking sobs filled the room and Takano found the scene eerily familiar. He remembered back in high school he had held his Kohai and boyfriend like this while he cried. Takano rested his chin on the trembling head and began to gently stroke the matted brown locks.

Onodera snuggled into the warm chest and felt his tears subsiding, his senpai could always calm him down quickly like that. "I'm sorry."

Takano's hand stilled and he frowned. "What are you sorry for?"

"I didn't know what else to do."

Takano gently pushed the man away and searched his eyes, "What do you mean?"

Onodera hiccupped and roughly wiped away his tears, "He was going to kill me…I had no choice."

Takano felt his heart pick up pace and he started to feel anxious about what this man was confessing to him. "Who was going to kill you?"

Onodera's bottom lip quivered and he burst into tears again, momentarily back to his 15-year-old self, when he had to confess his wrongdoing to the police.

Takano could see Onodera was not in his right mind so he smoothed the tears away with the sleeve of his jumper and tried to coax the man to talk. "Listen, you don't have to tell me anything right now but it might help to talk about it."

Onodera's eyes met the smoky brown ones and he worried his bottom lip. "Senpai I-" Onodera hiccupped again and slowly reached to the hem of his hoodie. "Don't leave me, okay?"

Takano was finding it hard to keep up with this conversation and could only nod at the man's strange request and noticed as the frail, shaky hands began to lift up the jumper. "Promise?"

Takano nodded again and remained stony-faced as Onodera revealed his mutilated torso. Bile rose in Takano's throat at the sight of all the scars, healing wounds and obviously fresh ones. He slowly covered his mouth and swallowed hard to try and clear his throat. He didn't understand how anyone could do this to themselves.

"I had no choice." The broken whisper caused Takano's heart to skip a beat. He'd heard that tone before. He closed his eyes and an image of his Kohai bowing before running out the room flashed behind his eyes. "S-senpai do y-you find me…d-disgusting?"

Takano's eyes flew open and he grabbed Onodera, crushing him into his chest. "Ritsu."

Onodera sat frozen. He couldn't breathe for the pressure Takano was putting on him but at that moment he didn't care. He was in the arms of his senpai again.

Takano tried to hold back his tears but he couldn't, they openly flowed down his face as he breathed in the scent he thought he would never smell again. He kissed the top of Onodera's head and felt like his world was whole again. He'd found Ritsu and none of the past mattered anymore as he felt his love rushing back to him with force.

He pushed Onodera down on the bed and drank him in. "After all these years."

Takano was about to ask what happened and how Onodera had ended up in the state he is now but Onodera reached up to him and pulled him down into a fierce kiss.

When they finally broke apart they were breathing heavily and Onodera had lost the glazed look in his eyes. He was finally fully aware of his surroundings and who he had just been kissing. Onodera felt a whirlpool of emotions as he untangled his fingers from the jet black hair. "I can't."

Takano pressed a kiss to Onodera's clammy forehead and smiled. "I've heard that before."

Onodera annoyingly felt his cheeks flush and he tried to struggle away. "I don't want this."

Takano sat back and once again studied the torso that was once pure, milky-coloured skin. "What happened to you, Ritsu?"

Onodera snatched his hoodie and scowled at Takano. "You. And don't call me Ritsu, we're not that close anymore."

Onodera pulled his hoodie over to him and scrunched it up in his hands, a sharp pain in his stomach making him wish he was still drunk so he could forget everything. "What do you mean by 'you'?"

Onodera laughed bitterly and clambered off the bed. "Exactly what I said. You did this to me."

Takano stared at the Kohai he loved and reached out to him. "I'm sorry for anything I did to you. I would never hurt you intentionally. I love you."

Onodera felt himself being pulled in by the gentle words but shook his head and tried to escape from the apartment. "Don't say that crap to me. I don't believe a word of it."

Trying desperately to pull his hoodie back on, Onodera stumbled over his own feet and ended up sprawled on the floor. He sighed and pushed himself back up carefully, not wanting to anger his wounds anymore. Takano put his hands under the slim arms and practically lifted Onodera to his feet. "Stay here until you've fully recovered. You can't walk around like this." Takano's heart ached at the sight of Onodera's frail back, also covered in scars, though these ones were not self-inflicted. "Ritsu stay here, I'll look after you." Onodera shook his head and pulled himself away fom the warm hands he hadn't realized he missed so much. He yanked his hoodie on and glanced back at Takano. "If you really care for me so much then leave me alone." Onodera ran for the door and had just pulled his shoes on when he felt Takano grab his arm.

Takano chased after him and grabbed his arm, pulling him in so his back was pressed against his chest. "I know you still have feelings for me. Why else would you stumble around here calling me 'Senpai'?"

Onodera struggled to get out of the grip but Takano held firm and whispered in his ear. "I love you."

"No. No. I will not fall for you again. Do you hear me?"

Takano suddenly let go at the aggression in Onodera's voice. "What makes you so sure?"

Onodera laughed and reached for the door handle. "Because you ruined my life. Only an idiot would fall for the same guy twice."

Takano watched as his apartment door shut and heard the thumping footsteps retreat down the stairs.

"I'm sorry, Ritsu."

Takano sank down to the floor, holding his head in his hands. What had happened to his precious Kohai these past 10 years? What had caused the pure and innocent boy he knew to turn out that way? Takano sighed deeply and could only stare at the empty doorway and allow the tears to fall.

Onodera's POV

I rushed from that apartment as quickly as I could. I couldn't and wouldn't allow myself to get sucked back into the past, I wouldn't get involved and have feelings for the very man that ruined my life. I raced back along the streets and only as my anger and confusion began to subside did I realize I was completely lost. I choked on a sob and fell to my knees, I wrapped my arms around my stomach and began to rock back and forth, trying to ward off the tears. I glanced around me, the street was pretty quiet so no one would notice me on the ground. I squeezed my eyes shut and the conversation with Takano swam in my mind. I can't believe I nearly told him about my past. Fear welled up inside me at what he would do if he found out what happened but I quickly shook the feeling off because I wasn't planning on seeing the man again, I would avoid him at all costs.

I led down on my side, the pain in my stomach making it too hard to stay in the crouched position. Only then did I notice the dampness on the ground that had begun to seep into my clothes. Had it been raining? I didn't remember hearing any, but then I wasn't exactly in any state to remember it. I laughed at myself and as I felt the first drop of rain on my cheek I knew I would have to get up soon. The rain began to fall heavier and soon I was soaked to the bone, but I just couldn't find the energy to move. It didn't really matter if I got ill, Nowaki would cover my shifts at the flower shop and I wasn't behind on any bills so I could spare the money.

I curled into a small ball and wrapped one arm round my stomach with the other covering my face, I didn't like the rain in my eyes. As I led there I knew there was no reason for me to hold back the tears. To anyone who would walk past I looked like some pitiful, probably drunken, mess on the ground. I also knew that no one would stop and look after me like Takano had. My heart twisted at the thought and I tried to curl up even more, to shrink so small no one would see or bother me anymore. I was tired. Too tired to care about my health, my apartment or even the past. I wished for the oblivion of the drink but was scared of what I would do during that time. I grasped my hair as I realized that I couldn't even remember over half of the 10 years I'd spent alone. There were too many nights, too many men, too many drinks. I knew that if I were to disappear no one would miss me. Just like when I disappeared 10 years ago and no one came to look for me.

End of Onodera's POV

Nowaki stood nervously outside his neighbour's door. Onodera had spent nights out before but Nowaki was getting an uneasy feeling about it this time. He slipped his key into the lock and pulled the door open, excusing his intrusion as he stepped into the silent apartment. He knew Onodera was not in but couldn't help the little hope that he had returned safely.

"Oi Nowaki, what are you doing?"

Nowaki jumped at his boyfriend's annoyed voice. "Hiro-san. I'm just worried about Onodera-kun. I have a bad feeling about his disappearance this time."

Hiroki shrugged and folded his arms over his chest, leaning on the wall in the hallway. "He's done this before. I don't see why you get so involved with the kid, all he ever does is cause trouble."

Nowaki smiled gently and wrapped his arm around his lover, pulling him out of the empty apartment. "He's not a kid, he's 25. I look after him because he needs my help and I can't just leave him."

Hiroki gave an annoyed huff and stormed into their apartment, Nowaki rolled his eyes at Hiroki's moodiness and with one last look at the neighbouring door he made his way inside.

Hiroki was sprawled on the floor with a book in his hand and Nowaki went to the small kitchen to make some tea. "You shouldn't be so harsh on him Hiro-san. He's a good person, he's just a little lost at the moment. Maybe you could help him too."

Hiroki made a face and threw the book down. "I don't see what he has to do with us. All he does is take up the time we have together." Hiroki blushed furiously as he said this and trailed off to a mumble so Nowaki missed the last part.

"What was that, Hiro-san?"

"Nothing. Just leave him be. He'll sort out his own life."

Nowaki brought the tea over and set it down on the little wooden table. "I can't just leave him, Hiro-san."

Hiroki loved the kindness of his boyfriend but sometimes it was just plain annoying. "Fine. Do whatever you want." He took a sip of the scalding liquid and quickly put the mug back down.

Nowaki laughed at the cuteness of Hiroki and moved round to sit in front of him. "I have another hour before my shift."

Hiroki felt his face go beet-red before his lips were claimed by his younger lover.

* * *

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**it always cheers me up when i read your kind reviews **

**So what do you think Onodera was trying to tell Takano? What was this thing that he had no choice but to do? ...it was serious enough to get the police involved so what could it be? let me know your thoughts! ^^**

**I'm working on the next one so please look forward to it - it'll definitely be up quicker this time ~ i promise! ^^v**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

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Nowaki rushed around the small apartment, pulling on various pieces of clothing as he tried to get ready for work as quickly as he could. If he didn't hurry he'd be late, not that he minded spending extra time with his cute boyfriend. Hiroki poked his head out the bedroom door and watched his lover with a flushed face. "Nowaki you're going to be late."

The brunette watched with what appeared to be a cold expression but if you looked close enough you could see the warmth and love in his chocolate eyes. He followed his giant of a lover into the hallway and leaned against the wall, knowing he would get a goodbye kiss but still feeling flustered and embarrassed about it. Nowaki slipped on his shoes and leaned down to feel the warmth of Hiroki's lips on his. He would have loved to stay longer, but a quick peck was all he had time for before he scampered out the house and raced down the concrete stairs out of the apartment complex.

As he sprinted down the quiet streets, he noticed a small figure lying in the middle of the path. Nowaki slowed to a jog and his mind began to tick over as he began to register what he was seeing. The brown, knotted locks and the slim, fragile frame he recognized instantly. He threw himself down to the ground and turned Onodera onto his side, he memorized the training he'd gone through while studying to become a doctor. He checked for vital signs, Onodera was barely breathing and his pulse was too slow. Nowaki fished his phone out of his bag and rang work to tell them he'd be late, then rang Hiroki to come and pick them up. He knew the closest hospital would be too far so he phoned an ambulance and told them his and Hiroki's address. He scooped the feather-light body into his arms and tried to get him as warm as possible, he shook Onodera slightly and tried to wake him up. "Onodera-kun can you hear me? You need to wake up now. Onodera-kun?"

Hiroki came sprinting over and his eyes widened at the sorry state his neighbor was in and bundled his neighbor and lover into the car. "How is he?"

Nowaki shook his head and wrapped his jacket around the slim shoulders. "Not good. Please hurry Hiro-san." Hiroki stepped on the accelerator and sped down the streets.

Tucking the sheets around Onodera's frozen body, Nowaki worried his bottom lip. "Hiro-san-"

"He'll be okay. The ambulance is on its way."

"But he's so cold." Hiroki stared down at the dead-looking man and wondered how anyone could let themselves get into such a state. "Hiro-san will you look out for the ambulance?"

He nodded and, though it caused his cheeks to flush, he gently kissed his giant lover. "Don't worry so much." Nowaki smiled through the tears gathering in his eyes and felt his heart warm from the action of his Hiro-san.

A groan from the bed snapped his attention back, he was straight by Onodera's side and reached out for the frail hand, trying to give some comfort and warmth. "Onodera-kun?"

Onodera's eyes flickered open and it took him a while to be able to focus on anything, the world swam and his head pounded. "Onodera-kun, how do you feel?"

The brunette flexed his weak muscles to check he was still in one piece but suddenly violent shivers shook his whole body and he reached out to the warmth radiating from the navy-haired giant by his side. He was pulled into a tight hug and felt his stomach churn uncomfortably, he clutched at the dirty fabric covering his body and his breath began to come in short pants. "Onodera-kun?" Nowaki pulled back and realized that the deathly-pale face had lost, if it was possible, even more colour. "Hiro-san!" He pulled the man from the bed and rushed him over to the bathroom, leaning him gently on the side of the bath.

Hiroki burst into the bathroom and quickly covered his nose against the foul smell of vomit that filled the room. He stumbled back a bit and watched as Nowaki rubbed gentle circles on Onodera's lower back. Nowaki turned to look at him and Hiroki noticed the slight paling of his lover's face. "Hiro-san can you get a bowl of cool water and a cloth please?" Hiroki nodded, only too pleased to get away from that putrid smell.

As he grabbed a flannel from the cupboard, his phone began to vibrate in his pocket. He dropped the flannel and answered his phone with a shaky voice. "Hello?"

"Is this Kamijou Hiroki?"

"Hai."

"I'm afraid the ambulance you rang for has been caught in a traffic jam and the paramedics are needed on an accident scene there. Is there a doctor or hospital close to you?"

Hiroki swore under his breath and thought of Nowaki in the other room. "I know a doctor-in-training."

"Is he able to cope with the situation until we can get another ambulance to you?"

Hiroki bent to pick up the flannel and wandered over to the kitchen to fill a bowl of water. "Hai. I think so. How long will the ambulance be?"

There was a pause on the other line before the voice spoke again. "At least half an hour. Though if you can't wait that long I recommend you get to a hospital as soon as you can."

"Hai. Thank you."

Hiroki swore again and made his way back into the bedroom, he nudged the door open with his toe and froze for a second at the sight of Nowaki's strong arms around the brat. He felt jealousy bubble in his stomach but forced the feeling away, it was just part of Nowaki's caring nature, it didn't mean anything else. He set the bowl down on the night stand and Nowaki smiled gratefully at him. "How long will the ambulance be?"

Hiroki pursed his lips, he didn't want to lie to his lover but he didn't want to deliver the bad news so he merely shrugged and dipped the flannel into the water. "They'll get here when they can."

Nowaki accepted that answer and took the flannel from Hiroki's soft fingers. Flannel in hand, Nowaki gently pushed Onodera back to lie down and dabbed the flannel across his clammy forehead. "Onodera-kun what happened?"

Onodera sighed and closed his eyes, he felt his body was still trembling but he felt a lot calmer under Nowaki's gentle care. He was just drifting off to sleep when the felt the damp flannel start to dab at his neck, he tensed and felt a hot flush rush over his body. He hated his neck being touched, ever since that day no one has touched his neck, even after sleeping with so many men he drew the line at touching his neck. He shot up and swatted Nowaki's hand away. "Don't touch me."

The navy-haired man looked shocked at the sudden movement and put the flannel back on the rim of the bowl. "I'm sorry, Onodera-kun. Did you want to rest on your own for a bit?"

Hiroki pulled a face at the behavior and stormed from the room, he knew he would end up hitting the brat if he kept throwing all Nowaki's kindness back at him.

Onodera brought the bed sheet up to his chin and felt his tears begin to drip onto the thin fabric. He wiped them away quickly and bunched the sheet up tightly into his fists, he didn't know how much longer he could cope with his life the way it was. He slowly led back down and turned away from the concerned gaze of his friend, not wanting to see the pity in the dark eyes. His shivers returned and soon he found that he no longer had control over his body, it took excruciating effort just to shift his position a little to try and be more comfortable. "Onodera-kun the ambulance will be here soon. Please try and rest until then, okay?" Nowaki dipped the flannel into the bowl and resumed dabbing the cool flannel onto Onodera's forehead, this time making sure not to go near his neck.

Ten minutes passed this way and Nowaki began to worry that the ambulance wasn't coming. He placed the flannel on the rim of the bowl and crept out the bedroom after realizing Onodera had fallen asleep. He inched the door shut and turned with a sigh into his lover's arms. "I don't know what to do, Hiro-san. I can't force him to get help but I can't just stand by and let him do this to himself anymore."

Hiroki's heart clenched at the suffering of his boyfriend, he really wanted to kick the damned brat out of the apartment and get rid of him from their lives, all he ever seemed to do was cause Nowaki problems and be nothing but a burden on them. "Nowaki if he wanted help he would have asked for it by now. You can't keep torturing yourself over this."

Nowaki pulled away from the embrace and nodded slowly. "I know. I know already, Hiro-san."

"Then why not refuse to help?"

"I can't just ignore someone who needs me even if it causes me a little trouble. It'll be my job to care for people soon."

Hiroki only smiled sadly at this and grabbed a book from the ever growing pile stacked by the sofa. He plonked down on the cushion and opened the book to a random page, he had to calm himself down before he let his emotions take control of him.

Onodera wrapped the duvet tightly around his thin body and buried his face into the pillow, he didn't like being a burden on Nowaki, but he had no other choice. No one else was prepared to accept him the way he was. His breath hitched as more tears threatened his already sore eyes but he blinked them away, he'd had enough of crying.

* * *

**Hello everyone! ^^  
****i'm really really sorry that this took so long, and this chapter is really short T_T  
****i've been working on this chapter for aaaaaages and it has by far been the hardest for me to get right :/  
i hope you enjoy it and i will make the next chapter longer to make up for this sad excuse of a chapter XD **

**please review and let me know what you think! ^^**

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**and just as a side note, i've had this song on repeat for ages and you should check it out cause it's seriously awesome! SHINee - Run With Me**


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry that this took soooo long! I hit a bit of a wall writing this one, but i was on a roll with this chapter! :D**  
**sorry for any spelling mistakes/grammar mistakes but i wanted to post this asap**

**hope you like it! :D**

* * *

Takano put his feet up on his desk and rested a copy of the latest manga he'd edited on his face, allowing a long, drawn out sigh to escape his lips. It had been a full week since he'd seen his first love and the ache in his chest wouldn't go away. The sight of all those marks on the beautiful, milky skin made anger boil in his stomach at the vile man that had inflicted them. He balled his hands into fists at his side and threw the book from his face in anger, it smacked against the desk and made everyone in the department jump. Kisa dared to talk to him. "Takano-san, is everything okay?"

"Peachy. If you have time to chat you should be working on your manuscripts."

Everyone quickly got back to work and Takano excused himself for a cigarette break.

He lit the cancer stick and inhaled deeply, allowing the smoke to fill his lungs and calm him down. The raven-haired man leaned heavily against the wall and for the millionth time that day sighed, still unable to get those stunning green eyes from his mind. Though the more he thought about it, the more he realized the spark of life that used to be in them had gone, as if someone had switched a light switch off and left a room in pitch black, there was nothing in Onodera's eyes to suggest there was any life in him. He stubbed his half-smoked fag out and slowly sank down the wall so he was sat with his legs spread out in front of him. "Why did you turn out that way? What happened to you?"

Onodera woke to light streaming through the curtains, he rolled over with a low moan and pulled the sheet higher to cover his face. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to ignore the throbbing in his head, he'd been released from the hospital two days ago with a warning about his alcohol intake. He knew the damage he had done and was doing to his body, but was it really any different to his self-harm? He didn't think so. The doctors had asked questions about all his cuts, bruises and scars but he refused to talk about it so they let him go as another hopeless, alcoholic case. He snorted at their ignorance and lack of interest in helping him, not that he would have accepted their help if they'd offered. But like they'd said, he was a hopeless case and not worth their time. He'd gone too far to turn back now. He swung his aching legs out of bed and stumbled over to his small, now tidy kitchen. While he'd been in hospital, Nowaki had cleaned his apartment from top to bottom and made sure there was no alcohol or any sharp objects in sight. The brunette filled a glass with water and chucked it back in one, the bland, boring taste mixed with the lack of buzz made him wonder why anyone actually liked to drink it.

He leaned against the side and jumped when the cold, tiled surface met his bare skin. Only then did he realize he was naked. He shrugged and reached his arm round to scratch at one of the many bandages covering his abused body, he hated having them on, they just irritated him and caught on his clothes. He ruffled his hair and supposed he should get dressed before Nowaki came round with some food. Nowaki had arranged everything, he'd cook Onodera his main three meals and bring round any snacks in between. Onodera laughed at the memory of Hiroki's reaction to this plan, needless to say he hated it.

Pulling on some slacks and a plain, green shirt, Onodera slouched on the sofa and waited for his food to be delivered. He felt like some kind of caged animal but he knew that Nowaki was only trying to be helpful. Both of them knew that at any time Onodera could go out and buy more alcohol, more blades or find more men but this never seemed to put Nowaki off helping him. Onodera would forever admire his determination to help a lost cause such as himself.

He thought back to the day he'd gone into hospital, it wasn't one he cared to remember due to the fact his unstable nature had been bared for all to see and he hated the looks of pity he'd received from everyone. Especially Nowaki. It was Nowaki's pity that he hated the most.

* * *

He heard the wail of sirens before the rushing of feet in the apartment as the paramedics burst into the room. By this time, Onodera was almost completely out of it and was only able to mumble incoherent things while he was put onto a stretcher and rushed to hospital.

The bright lights and plain white walls scared him and he began to thrash on the bed he was being wheeled on. He struggled against the hands trying to restrain him, he couldn't go through this again. Panic took over his whole being as he cried, screamed and shouted at the people to let him go. Not to hurt him.

The doctors tried desperately to restrain the man while they waited for a sedative to come. The wheeled him into a private room and tied him down to the bed, but still he struggled and shouted until his voice cracked and his throat was raw.

Onodera felt a small sting in his arm and after mere moments he felt his muscles begin to relax and his eyes began to droop and before he knew it, he was pulled into darkness and into dreams of the past that he couldn't escape from, no matter how much he wanted to.

Nowaki paced by the reception area as he waited for the receptionist to tell him which room Onodera was being moved to. He'd seen his friend putting up a strong fight as he was wheeled away from him down the corridor but wasn't allowed to follow as Onodera was deemed too unstable for visitors. So he'd sat in reception for six hours waiting for any news. He clasped his hands together as he sat back down on the hard, plastic chair. Restless and annoyed he kept pestering the receptionist for any news, she was sympathetic to the man so she tried to be patient with him and explain that she would let him know as soon as there was any news. He tapped his fingers on his knees and sat back, he was tired, so tired of what Onodera was doing. He'd never admit it to anyone, and he hated even admitting it to himself, but after so long he was growing tired of seeing his friend in pain all the time. He wished there was more he could do to help, he wished Onodera would open up and let him in more but he knew that would never happen. He knew a little of Onodera's past and knew that it was not something he wanted to pry into if Onodera was not ready to talk.

Another two hours passed and Nowaki was falling asleep, his head lolling forward. He jerked awake and saw the nurse at reception laugh at him before motioning him over. He groggily got to his feet and ran his hand down his face. "Any news?"

She shook her head and held her hand out to him. "Take this and buy yourself a coffee or something."

Nowaki shook his head at the offered money and leaned against the desk. "I can't accept your money, but thank you."

She nodded and retracted her hand. "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but I think you need to know."

She had Nowaki's full attention as she revealed the condition of the patient, she knew she'd be in trouble because the information was not supposed to go to anyone but relatives. Though she felt sorry for the man who'd spent eight hours waiting. "His physical condition has been stabilized. He's on a few drips and he needs to be kept under observation. They've tended to his wounds and patched him up nicely. Physically he's fine, but they're worried about his mental state. So they'll be keeping him over night."

Nowaki felt some of the tension leave his aching muscles as he heard that Onodera was okay. "Listen, I'm not supposed to be telling you this so you didn't hear anything from me, okay? Why don't you go home for tonight because you won't be able to see him until tomorrow anyway."

Nowaki shook his head. "I need to be here when he wakes up."

The nurse sighed and handed him a piece of paper. "Write your number here and I'll call you as soon as you can see him. I'm afraid that's all I can do. So go home and get some sleep, he's going to need you at full strength to support him."

Nowaki scribbled his mobile number down and smiled a genuine, warm smile that caused the nurse to blush. "Thank you so much."

She nodded and shooed him away. "Go home. I'll let you know if there are any changes."

Nowaki had been to visit Onodera as much as possible over the week he stayed in hospital, he brought fresh flowers from the shop every day and tried to engage him in conversation but his friend just remained silent and led there staring out of the window.

It wasn't until the day of his release that Onodera said anything. "When can I leave? I hate this place."

Nowaki gently patted Onodera's hand. "Hopefully soon. It depends when the doctors think it's okay for you to go home."

Onodera barked a laugh. "You mean when they think I'm stable enough?"

Nowaki cleared his throat and sat back. "You didn't have to say it like that, Onodera-kun."

"It's true though."

They fell into silence and Onodera reached for the flowers that stood beside his bed. "They smell nice."

Nowaki smiled and moved to sit on the bed. "I knew you'd like them."

Onodera pulled off a petal and held it in his hand. "What flowers are they?"

Nowaki took the petal and held it to his nose, enjoying the sweet scent. "Baby Romanticas. They've become quite popular recently. Onodera-kun-"

"Ritsu."

Nowaki froze and the petal fell from his hand. "Eh?"

Onodera felt a slight blush on his cheeks as he turned to face his friend. "Call me Ritsu."

* * *

**So what did you think? **

**again i'm sorry this took so long, thank you for being so patient and waiting ^^  
thank you to everyone who has reviewed/favourited/followed :D  
i'm gonna try and get the next chapter out real soon so look forward to it!**

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	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7! :D  
woooooooo**

* * *

Takano stood at the till of the small store and grabbed his bags of groceries before making his way out the door, he paused and looked around, trying to remember what else it was he needed. As his eyes scanned the street he noticed a small brunette hanging out on the street corner. His heart jumped but he quickly chided himself, how many brunette's were there living in Japan? He laughed and rubbed his tired eyes before making his way back home, but the sight of the brunette on the corner kept nagging at his mind. He only got a few more paces before he turned and ran back to see if the brunette truly was his Ritsu. What he found made his face pale and his heart break. The brunette was now with another man. His Ritsu was with another man.

He dropped his bags and raced over, he forced himself between his love and the stranger. "Excuse me but I have an appointment with him. You should leave." The man, who Takano realized was older and bigger than him, glared down.

"And who are you?"

Onodera stood frozen, staring at the back of the man he once loved. "I'm his lover."

The taller man looked down at Onodera. "This true?"

Onodera shook his head and stepped around Takano. "No, I have no idea who this man is. Let's go." He put his arm through his companions and pulled him away. "Forget about him, probably just mistook me for someone else."

He felt a warm hand slide round his back and pull him close, gaining looks from people walking in the street. "I'm sure you can make me forget him."

Onodera peered over his shoulder and saw Takano stood there in shock, he felt a little satisfaction from the man's expression before he turned back around and focused on the arm that was currently hugging his body.

Nowaki came out of the bathroom to find his apartment empty. He sighed and dropped the towel he'd used to dry his hair. "Ritsu." He slipped shoes on and raced out of the apartment in search of his neighbor. He ran through the streets he knew Onodera frequented to pick up men and crashed into a raven-haired man. "I'm really sorry. Sorry."

The man waved his apologies away and Nowaki decided to ask him if he'd seen Onodera. "Have you seen a man? He's shorter than me, about…up to here." Nowaki motioned to just below his shoulder. "He's got messy brown hair and big green eyes."

The man's attention snapped to him. "Ritsu?"

They both froze and stared at each other before Nowaki found his voice. "You know Ritsu? Onodera Ritsu?"

The raven-haired man nodded and ran his hand through his hair. "We went to high school together."

Nowaki smiled and thought this would be a good opportunity for Ritsu to make a new friend. "You haven't seen him have you? He was at my apartment but he disappeared."

Takano pointed in front of him. "He went off with some man, I-" Before he could finish the strange man tore off down the street. Takano swore to himself and followed him, catching up easily. "What's wrong?"

Nowaki just motioned for the man to keep up as he rushed down the street, desperately scanning the streets for Onodera. He saw the brunette turning a corner with a tall, blonde man and pulled Takano in the right direction. "Listen, once we get to him you need to let me handle it, okay?"

Takano frowned at the man but judging from the way he called him 'Ritsu' they were close and Takano didn't want to do anything that would hurt Onodera. "Fine."

Nowaki smiled his thanks and followed his neighbor to a small love hotel. Nowaki stopped outside and put his arm out to stop Takano charging in. "We can't go in."

Takano stared at him incredulously. "What? What do you mean? We have to go and get him back!"

Nowaki shook his head and leaned against the wall outside. "No. We can't."

Takano hated the finality in the man's voice and hated that he was letting this man get in the way of getting Onodera back. "Why?"

Nowaki sighed and Takano suddenly realized how tired the man looked. "Because if you go in there and burst into the room while he's…you know…he-" Nowaki broke off and put his hand over his mouth, he shouldn't be spilling Onodera's secrets to someone he barely knows. "Just don't go in there, okay? We have to wait until he leaves to get him."

Takano shook his head and looked at the door. "I'm going in."

Nowaki grabbed his arm in a strong grip and tried desperately to stop him. "You can't. It's in Ritsu's best interest that you do not go in there. Understand? If we'd have caught him before he went inside then fine, but he's in there now and we can't go in."

Takano yanked his arm from the vice-like grip and despite his instincts telling him to listen to the guy, he needed to get Onodera out of there. "I'm sorry but I can't leave him. Not again."

Onodera smiled up at the blonde man, whose name he'd already forgotten, and pulled him down onto the bed. He felt warm, clammy hands exploring his body and he groaned, he'd missed the feeling of being in someone's arms. Lips locked onto his and he ran his hands through the short blonde hair, enjoying the closeness of this stranger.

Takano clenched and unclenched his fists, taking deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. "I'm sorry, I don't know what you know but I can't leave him in the arms of another man."

Before Nowaki could stop him Takano had raced inside.

Onodera wrapped his arms around the toned shoulders and pulled him closer, their chests pressed tightly as the man began to move.

Takano ran down the hallway and the moans that could be heard behind every door made him feel sick. He looked around desperately, trying to think of how he would find his Ritsu.

Onodera squeezed his eyes shut and allowed the sensations to sweep over his body and drown him in ecstasy.

Takano pulled at his hair in frustration and turned to open the first door he could find. He yanked on the handle but the door was locked, a growl sounded in his throat as he tried door after door. They were either locked or did not have his Ritsu inside. Just as he was planning to give up, he came to the third to last door. He took a deep breath and pulled the door open. Inside, two bodies were tangled in the sheets. Takano recognized the brunette immediately. "Oi." Takano felt someone wrench him from the room and he stumbled back, the door closing. "What the hell?"

He turned to see a fuming Nowaki behind him. "I told you not to go in there."

"But why? If you don't give me a good enough reason I'm going back in there."

Nowaki sighed and knew there was no way to stop the man except to tell him. "We should go somewhere else to talk."

They sat in the corner of a restaurant and Nowaki sipped at his coffee nervously. "Listen, what you have to understand is that Ritsu has been through a lot. The man he is now is a result of events that happened in his teens."

Takano's hands shook and he clenched them in his lap to try and hide it. "What happened?"

Nowaki took a deep breath and sipped his coffee again. "I don't know the full story. In fact I know hardly anything. Ritsu doesn't open up to people easily." Takano nodded and waited for the man to continue, his heart pounding like crazy. "It started when his senpai broke his heart."

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**So there you have it! **

**thanks again for the reviews/follows/favourites! it really means a lot to me ^^**

**please drop me a review to let me know what you think cause i love reading them :)**

**till next time ~**


	8. Chapter 8

Onodera clutched the knife in his hand and felt like his chest was being constricted, he found it hard to get even one breath in before he felt like he was running out of air. "Stay away from us." He stood over his unconscious mother as his so called father held out his hands trying to calm his son down.

"Now Ritsu, you don't want to do anything stupid. Put the knife down."

"No. If you take another step I swear-" He broke off, not wanting to say it. He couldn't say it. Tears spilled down his cheeks and he wiped them away angrily. "Why did you have to do this? Why couldn't you just be a normal father?"

The man sighed in irritation and lunged for his son. He tackled him to the ground and easily got the knife from his weak hands. He pulled the boy up by his hair and screamed in his ear. "How fucking dare you. How dare you threaten me in my own house."

Onodera started to shake and his tears were in full flow. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I was just trying to protect mum."

His father shook him violently and threw him down onto the tiled floor. "I don't give a shit what you were trying to do you ungrateful child."

Onodera felt the sting of a slap across his cheek and his head was thrown back from the force. He curled in on himself to protect his body from the onslaught of beatings he knew was coming his way. But then he noticed the knife laying within arms reach, he glanced up at his dad and saw he was swinging his arm back for the first blow. Onodera took a deep breath and shot his arm out for the knife. He realized he'd grabbed the blade instead of the handle and felt the sharp bite as the blade sank into his skin where he gripped onto it. The flow of his blood made his grip grow slick but he scrambled for the handle as his father place the first blow on his ribs. Onodera swallowed back his tears and didn't allow himself time to think as he swung the knife and sank it into his father's flesh.

His scream tore through Onodera's ears and he quickly let go of the knife. He scrambled away from his father and pushed himself against the kitchen counter. He couldn't believe what he'd just done. He began to cry, huge, gut-wrenching sobs tore their way out of him as he watched his father die in front of him.

The brunette woke with a start and gasping for breath. He clutched at the duvet and tried to calm his racing heart. He hated that dream. Of all the other nightmares that haunted him he found that one the worst. It reminded him of what a monster he was. He felt a warmth next to him and looked down to see a blonde man smiling up at him. "I didn't think you'd wake up so soon. I was enjoying watching your sleeping face."

Onodera forced a smile and he was pulled back down to the man. "I don't have to be back for a while." Onodera eagerly accepted the invitation, anything to get his mind away from unwanted memories.

Takano felt his face getting paler and paler as the man before him revealed the little of Onodera's past that he knew. "His dad…what?"

Nowaki nodded sadly and stared down at his now cold cup of coffee. "His father beat him and his mother daily. He told me that he hated his life until he found his senpai. He said that his senpai made his life worth living and he was able to cope with the beatings as long as he could see him."

Takano felt bile rise in his throat. How had he not noticed? How could he have been so ignorant to everything Onodera was going through. "What happened?" Takano knew full well what happened next but he needed to know how much Nowaki knew.

"He didn't go into detail, he just said that his senpai broke his heart. He told me after they'd been together he thought he'd finally found a way to get away from his hellish life at home. I wish I'd seen the happy Ritsu, I bet he's really cute when he's smiling." Takano nodded in agreement. Onodera was really cute when he smiled. Tears threatened the raven-haired man's eyes and he blinked them back.

"I know, it's horrible. I cried when he told me."

Takano laughed and wiped his eyes. "It takes a lot to make me cry. Carry on."

"After that was when Onodera turned to drinking. When he got back home that day he drank a whole bottle of sake and was completely drunk when his father got home. Needless to say that didn't go down well with either of his parents. His father nearly beat him to death."

Takano placed a shaking hand over his mouth and choked on a sob. "I-I had no idea it was so bad. If I'd known I'd never-" He broke off as his body began to shake with silent tears. What had he done to his Ritsu? What had he forced his love to go through? Nowaki was shocked at the man's reaction and held a napkin out, Takano took it gratefully and wiped away his tears. "Did Onodera tell you how his senpai broke his heart?"

Nowaki noticed the sudden change, instead of 'Ritsu' the man had begun to address him as 'Onodera'. Nowaki suspected who this man was but didn't say anything. Instead he injected a little venom into his voice. "He laughed."

The world began to spin and Takano gripped the table tightly. "No but that…that wasn't real laughter…just stupid high school brat….I didn't know. I-I didn't mean it. I was nervous. I-" Takano broke off and made a dash for the bathroom. He clutched at his stomach and only just made it in time before the contents of his stomach emptied themselves. He felt a soothing hand rubbing circles on his lower back. "Let it all out."

Takano heaved again and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. "I'm sorry."

Nowaki shook his head and went to wet some tissue, he dabbed it on Takano's clammy forehead and let the man lean back against him. "I'm guessing I'm not wrong in saying that you're his senpai from high school?"

Takano shook his head and took a deep breath. "I had no idea. He was always so cheerful."

Nowaki helped the poor man to his feet and back to their table in the restaurant. Nowaki asked for some water from the waitress and studied the man across from him. "So it was a misunderstanding back then?"

Takano nodded and accepted the water gratefully, his throat feeling raw from vomiting. "I was just a brat in high school. I was nervous when he asked me if we were lovers. If I'd known about everything…if I'd known what would happen I-"

Nowaki broke him off with a hand on his shoulder. "You couldn't have known."

They lapsed into silence and Nowaki looked at his watch. "He should be home soon. We should go and wait for him back at the apartment." Takano followed the man back and only then realized he had no idea what his name was. "I'm Takano. Takano Masamune."

He held out his hand and Nowaki shook it. "Kusama Nowaki. Just call me Nowaki."

Takano smiled and stepped into Nowaki's apartment to wait for his love to return home.

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**I'm spoiling you all today! Three chapters in one go :3**

**anyway, i hope you enjoyed reading it up till now ^^  
what will happen when Onodera gets home?**

**Keep an eye out for the next chapter coming soon! :D**


	9. Chapter 9

**I've reached chapter 9! i can't believe it :D haha**

**i think this'll be the last update for today...maybe :3**

**(again...sorry for any mistakes)**

* * *

Onodera left the love hotel with a wad of notes in his pocket, this time he didn't have to steal the money. He sighed and licked his lips, he could really do with some alcohol so he scanned the street for a shop and remembered there was one around the corner. As he entered the shop he was greeted by a friendly-looking man behind the till counter. "Welcome." Onodera bowed his head in response. "Did you need any help finding anything?"

"No, thank you."

He made his way to the alcohol section and checked how much money he had, he had enough to buy plenty of alcohol. He grabbed a basket and filled it with cans and bottles and ignored the glance he got from the man at the counter. "Having a party?"

Onodera laughed and shook his head. "Something like that. Do you have a girlfriend?"

The man looked taken aback by the question and shook his head slowly, a blush rising in his cheeks. "No. I-I don't…you know."

Onodera smiled at him. "You're gay?"

The man nodded and he sped up scanning the bottles. "Me too."

He looked up in surprise and Onodera held out his phone. "Put your number in, you can take mine too."

The man beamed and eagerly added Onodera's number. "What's your name?"

"Onodera." He watched as the man tapped his name in. "Call me if you want a date some time."

The brunette took his phone back and grabbed the bags of alcohol. "See you around." The man nodded excitedly and waved as Onodera left the shop.

As the brunette made his way up to his apartment he was half way through his third bottle and was just starting to feel the buzz in his system. He smiled goofily to himself and felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, he stopped and set his bottle down and fished his phone from his pocket. He saw the number was the guy from the shop. It was a short but sweet message_: I forgot to tell you my name. I'm Haitani Shin, just call me Shin. I'm free tonight at 7 if you want to meet_.

Onodera smiled and typed a quick reply before downing the rest of his third bottle and half of another and stumbling back to his apartment.

He dumped the bag on his couch and fell back next to it. He sighed and felt his phone buzz again. He set his bottle down and wiped his mouth before pulling his phone from his back pocket and reading the message a few times before he was able to properly understand it.

I'm so glad that you want to meet! I'll pay for the meal tonight so please don't worry about bringing money. See you later!

Onodera frowned, he didn't agree to go for a meal but he didn't argue. Who would say no to free food? He replied with an 'Okay' and a smilie face before throwing his phone down on the coffee table. He took a long swig of his drink and heard his front door open. "Ritsu?"  
"Mm?"

Nowaki tentatively made his way into the living room and frowned when he saw Onodera with a bottle in his hand but didn't say anything. "I need you to listen to me carefully okay? There's someone here to see you and he really needs to talk to you."

Onodera frowned and finished the bottle. "It better not be one of those stupid shrinks again because I-" Onodera broke off as he noticed a second man enter the room. His raven hair was the first thing he noticed and he knew instantly who it was. "Oh no. No, no, no. Get him _away_ from me! Why would you let him in?"

Nowaki rushed over to his friend and tried to calm him down. "Ritsu he needs to talk to you about what happened back then, please just listen. He's explained everything to me and you need to hear this."

Onodera shook his head vigorously and opened another bottle before drinking most of it in one. "I don't want to see his face. Why would you do this to me, Nowaki? I thought you wanted me to get better? Him being here will not help. Get rid of him!" Onodera shouted the last part and didn't even dare to look in the direction his ex-lover was standing.

"Ritsu do you trust me?"

The brunette met Nowaki's eyes and nodded slowly. "Of Course."

"Then please. Just five minutes. Listen to what he has to say. You can at least do that, right?"

Onodera finished the bottle and threw it to the floor. "Fine. I'll listen."

Nowaki smiled and motioned Takano over. "I'll leave you two to it. If you need anything you know where I am." Nowaki hugged his neighbor before leaving the two ex-lovers alone in the apartment.

Onodera sat back down on the sofa and grabbed another bottle. "Well spit it out."

Takano couldn't believe what he was seeing. His beautiful, innocent Onodera was drinking beer like it was water. "I-I don't know where to begin except to say I'm sorry. I'm really, truly sorry for back then. I had no idea, I-"

"Stop. I don't want you groveling. If that's all you wanted you should leave."

Takano clasped his hands together and went to stand in front of Onodera. "That's not all I have to say. I wanted to explain about the misunderstanding."

Onodera laughed and opened yet another bottle. "You mean when you laughed at my feelings? Or maybe when you ditched me without a word? Which is it Takano-san?"

Takano flinched and sat down on the edge of the coffee table. "Both. And everything else. Listen to me Ri…Onodera. That laugh, I wasn't laughing at you. I wasn't making fun of your feelings. I was nervous. I didn't understand how you could ask that after everything we'd done together. I thought I'd made my feelings clear to you, I guess I was wrong."

Onodera paused, bottle at his lips. "What?"

Takano was relieved to have got the brunette's attention and pressed on. "I promise you I wasn't just joking around. I loved you with all my heart. I still do."

Onodera frowned and felt anger burst out of him and he flew into a rage. He smashed the bottle onto the floor and shouted as loud as he could. "Get out! Get out of my fucking apartment! I never want to see you again. Understand? How dare you show up here after all these years and try to make fun of me again." He choked on tears and turned his back. "Just get out."

"Onodera I'm not making fun of you. I promise you-"

"I said leave!" Onodera turned and shoved the man as hard as he could. Takano fell back onto the broken glass and ended up with multiple, nasty-looking gashes in his palms where he'd caught himself falling. "Ow, shit."

Onodera froze, his chest heaving. "I-I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to….I-" Onodera broke off and fell to his knees, head in his hands. "I'm s-sorry." Takano looked up, stunned at the sudden change. He shook his head and tried to laugh it off. "It's fine. I'm hardly hurt."

Onodera studied the gashes and crawled over to his ex-lover. "I'll make it up to you."

Takano frowned and watched as Onodera began to reach for the zipper on his jeans. "What are you doing?"

Onodera felt more tears slide down his face and he looked up at the man, his mind broken and back in his past. "I'm sorry. Please punish me." Onodera pulled off his shirt and turned his back to Takano, waiting for the harsh blows to come. Takano's mouth fell open and he felt the colour drain from his face. "Onodera it's fine. I don't want to punish you. Put your shirt back on." Takano couldn't stand to see all the pain inflicted on Onodera's back.

Onodera turned around. "Then you want something else?" He undid the zipper on Takano's jeans and began to rub his member. Takano could only stare in shock. "Onodera stop."

The man stopped straight away and before either of them could say anything Nowaki came in. "Is everything okay? I thought I heard-" He stopped talking and rushed over. "Are you okay?"

Takano nodded and pointed to Onodera. "What's wrong with him?"

Nowaki sighed and went over to the scared and shaking Onodera. "Ritsu it's okay. It's me, Nowaki." He reached out for the brunette and grunted as Onodera threw himself at Nowaki. He wrapped his arms around the man and smiled apologetically at Takano. "I'll explain everything when he's calmed down."

"Nowaki I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I just got so angry and…and I…" Onodera trailed off as his crying made it impossible to talk.

"Shh. It's okay. There was no harm done, you haven't done anything wrong." He smoothed the brunette locks and eventually Onodera calmed down and sank into a deep sleep. Nowaki effortlessly lifted him into his arms and carried him to the bedroom.

Takano stood from the floor and went over to the small kitchen to rinse the blood from his hands, he saw once the blood was gone that the cuts were not really that bad and would heal quickly.

"I'm sorry you had to see that." Takano turned to Nowaki and Nowaki came over with bandages and disinfectant in his hands. "Let me see." Takano held out his hands and watched as the man gently patched him up. "The first time he did that was when I'd first found him drunk. He was lying outside his apartment and completely out of it. I tried to help him up but he kept telling me to leave him alone. He pushed me away and I scraped my hand on the concrete outside, as soon as Ritsu saw that he'd hurt me he began to cry and beg me for forgiveness. Of course I had no idea about his past or any of it, so I tried to comfort him but all he did was flinch and shy away from me. It took a whole two hours before he exhausted himself and fell asleep."

Takano felt sick again and nodded his thanks as Nowaki finished patching him up. "So what causes the change in him?"

Nowaki shrugged and leaned heavily against the side. "My guess is as good as yours. But I think it's from when his father abused him. Or maybe the time he spent after his mother and father died."

Takano's eyes went wide. "How did they die?"

Nowaki just shook his head saying he didn't know and made his way back to the bedroom to check on Onodera. "He hasn't told me that much. But I know the time he spent after they died was worse than the life he had while they were alive."

Takano's heart constricted and he went to stand by Nowaki. "Do you think he'll ever forgive me?"

Nowaki grimaced and checked his watch. "I really don't know. I don't think it's something that's easy to forgive, even if it was a misunderstanding. I'm really sorry but I've got to get home now, my boyfriend will be home soon and I need to cook for him. Do you mind staying here until he wakes up just to make sure he doesn't do anything?"

"Sure."

Nowaki left without another word and softly shut the door behind him. Takano went over to the bed and crouched next to Onodera's sleeping face. He was still just as beautiful as Takano remembered, but a broken kind of beautiful. The sort that was untouchable and lonely. He sat back on his heels to wait for Onodera to wake up and he would try again to convince the man of the misunderstanding.

* * *

**The end of this chapter! What did you think? **

**Should Onodera forgive Takano so quickly? Or should he still be unable to believe what Takano is saying?**

**Please review so i know what you think ^^  
and if any of you have any ideas about where this story is going or what will happen in the next chapter please let me know because i'm still a little undecided X3**

**bye bye for now :)**


	10. Chapter 10

Onodera woke to the sound of gentle snoring beside him. His eyes flickered open and he saw a mass of raven coloured hair, he blinked to try and clear the sleep from his eyes as he tried to remember going home with another man but as far as he knew he'd come straight home alone. He groaned from a slight headache and rubbed at his tired eyes. He checked the time on his phone and suddenly remembered his date with Shin, he sighed in relief when he realized he still had a couple of hours until then. He turned his attention back to the man lying beside him and saw with a shock that it was Takano. The brunette swallowed hard and slowly got off the bed, not sure how to react to this man being so close. He thought back to the conversation they'd had before. Was it true? Did Onodera really just misunderstand the whole situation? He closed his eyes and the memory of the laugh still haunted him, he clamped his hands over his ears and tried hard to concentrate and think past the laugh. He tried to remember the moments just before and after Takano had laughed at him.

Onodera fell to his knees as the images came flashing in his mind. They were tangled in bed together, the soft, warm hands of his senpai causing sweet sensations to overcome his body. No one had ever made him feel this good before. Onodera felt his body reacting to the memory of the touch but he ignored it and tried to draw the rest of the memory from his mind.

Onodera had sat clutching his shirt, even now he could feel the blush on his cheeks from the attention his senpai had given him. Then he'd asked the question. That stupid question that Onodera grew to regret. **"Senpai…do you like me?"**

Onodera's heart skipped a beat as he recalled this fatal question. When he'd asked that he'd just wanted his senpai to reassure him of their love, he'd just wanted to know that he was special to someone, that he actually mattered. Onodera thought harder and replayed the scene over and over again in his mind. Only after the fifth time did he realize something. The shift in expression on Takano's face, the slight blush that was well hidden under his bangs. His mouth may have been smiling, but the blush and the look in his beautiful amber eyes said something different. Love.

Takano felt the bed shifting under him and realized Onodera was awake. He slid his eyes open to see Onodera collapse to his knees with his hands over his ears. Takano sprang off the bed and knelt in front of him, not sure what to do. "Onodera? Onodera are you okay?" He got no response and watched as his cheeks became flushed and his body began to tremble. "Oi, Onodera?" He still got no response so he took the trembling body into his arms and tried to soothe him by running his fingers through the soft, chocolate locks and whispering soothing words into his ear.

Onodera released his grip on his ears as the realization hit him. He really had misunderstood everything. His senpai really had loved him and the laughter was nothing but nerves. He felt stupid. Stupid and ashamed that his own misunderstanding had caused his life to spiral out of control to a point of no return. He began to weep. He cried for all his wasted years and he cried for breaking both his own heart and his senpai's heart in one go.

The brunette only realised he was being held when he felt warm, toned arms hold him tighter. This time he didn't care that he was showing his weakness in front of anyone. He didn't care that it was Takano holding him, he just needed to be held and told that everything was okay. Which is exactly what Takano did.

A half our later Onodera finally ran out of tears. He pulled away from the warmth he'd craved so much and looked into the sad, heart-broken eyes of his senpai. "Onodera?" Takano smoothed the hair away from the shining green eyes and placed a gentle kiss on the now exposed forehead. "I'm sorry."

Onodera froze as Takano's lips pressed themselves to his forehead and the whispered apology sent shockwaves through his body. "I'm so sorry, Onodera." Butterfly kisses were scattered over his tear-streaked cheeks and he just sat there, unable to move, unable to pull away from the gentleness of the man before him. "I'm sorry." This apology repeated itself between each kiss and Onodera closed his eyes to absorb the sensation of the warm lips on his cold face.

"Takano-san, please."

Takano smoothed fresh tears from Onodera's face and placed a soft kiss on his love's lips. The sweetness and suppleness were the same as he remembered from high school. The lips that he'd become addicted to he was able to claim once again.

Onodera gasped at the sensation. The warmth in Takano's damp lips cause shivers to run down his spine, his reaction was immediate and instinctive. He began to kiss Takano back. Their lips locked in a tight embrace as they grabbed onto each other in heated passion. Onodera wrapped his arms around Takano's neck to pull them closer and pressed himself into the warmth.

Takano groaned and snaked his arms around the slim waist, pulling Onodera into his lap as he felt the brunette's legs wrap themselves around him. Takano moved from the plump, luscious lips and trailed kisses down Onodera's jaw and carried on down his neck until he reached the dainty collar bone. Onodera moaned erotically in his ear as he began to nibble on the smooth skin. "I love you."

Onodera immediately pulled back and frantically disentangled himself. "I can't. I can't do this."

Takano, still in a lustful daze, reached for Onodera again. "But you felt it right?"

Onodera shook his head and pushed the man away. "I can't do this. Leave. Get out." The flushed brunette got to his feet and stumbled from the room. "I need you to leave. Please."

Takano heard the desperation in Onodera's voice and sighed in defeat. "Okay, but please don't forget the feeling. I know you felt it just now. And please, I just want you to know how sorry I am." Takano waited for a response, but after he received nothing from the man he ran his hand through his hair, worried that he'd blown it. "Onodera-"

"Just go. I'll…I'll see you around…I guess."

Takano felt his heart lighten a little at this and smiled before seeing himself out of the small apartment.

Onodera let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding and rushed to the bathroom, pulling out bottles of pills and spilling them into his hand. He threw them all into his mouth and swallowed before gasping and looking at himself in the mirror. "What have I done?"

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**For once i can't think of anything to say XD**

**hence nothing written at the beginning...**

**i suppose just the usual thanks to everyone who has reviewed/favourited/followed! :D**

**and a special thanks must go to The Yaoiverse of Lemon Pie for putting up with my sleep deprived state and my constant babbling about this fanfic XD**

**also thank you to nekocandy4life for always reviewing and giving me the extra boost i need to get these chapters written asap - so thanks! :D**


	11. Chapter 11

It was 6:55pm and Onodera was just leaving his apartment to go and meet Shin. He wondered why he'd even bothered to keep the appointment, he felt horrible and wasn't in the mood for this date at all. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and hesitated outside his door, he'd actually tried to put a little effort into his appearance. He'd put on a fresh pair of jeans and tried to clean the scuff marks off his trainers. He'd given up with his hair as it never really did what he wanted, even back in high school the middle parting was just because his hair refused to do anything else. Onodera took a deep breath and felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw it was a message from Shin: _I'm at the restaurant, see you soon_!

Onodera flipped his phone shut and slowly made his way to the restaurant. It wasn't anything fancy, just an average family restaurant, but Onodera would be grateful of a nice cooked meal and if he got it for free even better.

The brunette paused outside the restaurant and saw Shin inside, his sandy-brown hair stood out against the mass of dark hair that filled the place. His palms began to feel clammy and he realized with a start that this was the same feeling he got when he went on the first date with his senpai in high school. He laughed at himself and pushed the weird feelings away before stepping into the building and heading over to the table Shin had reserved for them.

"Onodera!" Shin beamed and motioned the brunette over excitedly. "I'm so glad you came. I was worried that you wouldn't show."

Onodera only smiled and sat down opposite the man. He had to admit, this man was better looking than he remembered and his plain brown eyes were nothing special but they sparkled with life. This man was the complete opposite of Onodera and it scared him a little how someone could look so happy for no reason. "What do you want to drink?"

Onodera shrugged, a little uncomfortable. "Whatever."

Undeterred by Onodera's attitude, the man ordered two iced teas and even ordered Onodera's food for him. "Trust me, they do great pizza here."

Onodera only nodded and wished for something stronger than iced tea. Why did he even bother to agree to this? And he even got nervous about it! He'd become so laughable, his personality even more messed up since Takano had returned to his life. He sighed at how pathetic he was for letting one man control so much of his life. "Onodera what's wrong?"

He was pulled from his thoughts and he shook his head. "Nothing."

Shin pouted and rested his chin on his hand. "It's not nothing. I hope it isn't me…" Shin trailed off and smiled as their drinks arrived. "Here." He handed Onodera his drink and took a long gulp before setting it down on the table. "So refreshing, right?"

The brunette hadn't even touched his drink, the iced tea reminding him of the times Nowaki had come over to help cure him of the many hangovers he'd had. Instead he drew patterns in the condensation that had formed on the outside of the glass. He really, really wanted something stronger. He motioned a waitress over. "What alcohol have you got here?"

She rattled off all the drinks and Onodera chose the strongest one on the list before the waitress left to get his order. Shin had watched the whole exchange and noticed how his companion hadn't even looked at the waitress as he ordered but rather was eyeing up the alcohol behind her.

He wondered what had caused the deep sadness in the green eyes that had first caught his attention. When Onodera had first walked into the shop, Shin had thought he was the most beautiful man he'd ever seen. He was instantly smitten and knew that this man was the one for him, but he also knew that the chances of this beauty being gay were slim, which is why he got so excited when Onodera had told him otherwise.

As he studied the man some more, he noticed a thin, pink line running from the back of his neck and disappearing down the back of his shirt and as he looked more he started to notice lots of little faded scars that were just visible above the neckline of Onodera's shirt. They wouldn't be noticeable unless you really looked for them. Shin felt pity swell inside him and he suddenly reached across the table, taking Onodera's hand in his.

Onodera was just turning around from making his order when suddenly Shin's hand shot out and grabbed his. "Onodera-"

Shin broke off as Onodera snatched his hand back and looked like he'd been burnt. "Don't touch me."

Shin sat there, shocked at this sudden reaction. "I'm sorry."

Onodera flexed his hand before letting it fall into his lap and they sat in silence until their food arrived.

The night ended awkwardly and Onodera regretted coming out, his mood was even worse than ever and his lack of alcohol was not helping. Onodera stormed out the restaurant and Shin quickly paid and ran out after him. "Onodera I'm sorry if I did anything wrong."

Onodera ignored him and practically ran to the closest bar, only to realise he didn't have any money with him. "Shin I need money."

Shin stopped to catch his breath and frowned. "Why?"

"Just give me some money." Onodera held out his hand expectantly and waited for Shin to cough up some cash. Brown eyes looked in shock at the sudden personality change, what had caused this man to be in such a foul mood? It couldn't just be because he'd touched his hand, could it? Shin shook his head and tried to calm the man down. "Listen, how about we go back to mine and-"

Onodera snorted and waved the man away. "Fine, I'll just get money from someone else."

Shin had to jog to keep up with Onodera's long strides. "What do you mean? Come on, I'll get you some tea or something back at mine." Onodera stopped and looked at him hungrily, Shin stepped back, now frightened of the green eyes he'd found so beautiful. "Onodera?"  
Onodera grabbed the man's arm and pulled him along behind him until the brunette found a dark alley. He shoved the man against the wall and began to kiss him roughly. Shin couldn't believe what was happening. As Onodera's lips crushed against his he wanted to fight back, he didn't want this, but he somehow couldn't fight back. As Onodera pressed his body against him he realized something, Onodera's cheeks were damp and his body was trembling.

Shin gently pushed the brunette away to see he was crying. "Oi, Onodera what's wrong?"

Onodera sank to his knees and put his head in his hands trying to contain the tears that were rolling down his cheeks. "Onodera?" Shin reached out and put a hand gently on the trembling shoulder before helping him to his feet and letting him lean his weight on him. "I'll take you back to mine so you can freshen up, okay?" Onodera simply nodded and let the man lead him away.

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**Yaaaaaaaay chapter 11! :D**  
**hope you all liked it ^^**

**thanks to all of you so far who've read this and stuck with it cause i know i kinda suck at updating sometimes XD**

**please drop me a review so i know what you think! ^^**  
**~until next time**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12...can't believe i've got this far already! :O**  
**anyway, there are only a few more chapter of this story to go...or that's the plan anyway XD**  
**haha, but then i don't really stick to plans very well so who knows? **

**enjoy! :D**

* * *

Shin helped Onodera onto the couch and smoothed his bangs from his eyes. "Onodera?"  
The brunette grabbed Shin's hand and pulled him down onto the sofa next to him. Shin looked nervously down at their hands and placed his other hand over Onodera's. "Anything you need, please just ask."

Green eyes slid over to him and his heart sank at the emptiness in them. "I just want to forget." Shin smiled kindly and lifted his hand to cup Onodera's cheek. "There are other ways, you don't have to torture yourself so much." The warmth of Shin's hand on Onodera's face made him relax and he pressed his cheek into the warmth. "How about you go and rest? You look like you could do with a good sleep." Onodera laughed and moved so his lips lightly brushed against Shin's in a tender, butterfly kiss. "Thank you, Shin." Shin felt a shiver go down his spine at the softness of Onodera's lips and even though he wanted more, he knew not to push the guy too far. So instead, he slid his arm around the slim waist and helped Onodera into the bedroom. "Did you want a bedtime story, too?" Onodera barked a laugh and shook his head, waving Shin away. "Sleep well." The sandy-haired man watched as Onodera fell into a deep sleep and climbed into bed behind him, spooning the petite body and wrapping him in warmth.

Nowaki once again found himself outside his neighbour's apartment, sadness welling in his heart when he realized Onodera was not there. Nowaki pressed his forehead to the door and felt tired, so tired. His limbs ached with exhaustion, he didn't know how much longer he'd be able to keep chasing the brunette to make sure he didn't get himself into serious trouble. "I'm sorry." He felt a lone tear slide down his cheek at the thoughts going through his mind. He didn't want to leave Onodera on his own, he didn't want to abandon him but he was running out of options. "Nowaki?"  
The voice of his lover stirred more emotions inside him and he soon found himself clinging to his shorter boyfriend, tears freefalling from his cheeks. "Hiro-san, I-I can't. I can't do this anymore." Hiroki instantly knew what Nowaki was talking about and tightly held his boyfriend to him. "I know." He wasn't very good with words of comfort, he just hoped his feelings were able to get through to him with the hug. "Shall I make you some tea?"

Nowaki smiled and placed a gentle kiss on Hiroki's forehead. "I would love some tea. Thank you, Hiro-san." Hiroki blushed and took hold of his lover's hand, leading him into their apartment and gave the giant hand a squeeze.

"Nowaki, I know you want to help the kid but please think of yourself first." Nowaki looked up at Hiroki as he put the mug of tea down on the table. "I understand how you feel, but I hate seeing you like this." This was the first time Hiroki had been so open about his feelings and Nowaki smiled gratefully. "Thank you, Hiro-san. I know I should look after myself too but it's hard when-"

Nowaki's words were cut short when Hiroki kissed him. Nowaki's eyes momentarily widened in shock but then they slid closed and he pulled the brunette towards him, the tea left forgotten on the table. "Hiro-san." Hiroki felt his face heat up, again, and tried to pull away but Nowaki wouldn't let his cute lover go after he'd initiated the kiss. "I love you, Hiro-san."

"B-baka."

Nowaki laughed quietly and pushed Hiroki down to the floor, straddling his hips as he brushed kisses down his neck.

The brunette moaned quietly as Nowaki hit his sweet spot and lifted his hands to knot them in navy hair. He lifted Nowaki's head up and pressed their lips together before he pulled away and searched the sapphire orbs staring back at him. "What is it, Hiro-san?"

Hiroki ran his fingers lightly over Nowaki's eyebrows, down his cheeks and along his jaw. His heart pounded in his chest and he knew Nowaki could feel it but right in that moment he didn't care, he forgot his usual embarrassment as he trailed his fingers over his lover's soft skin, drinking in every detail. Nowaki found it hard to breathe as his smaller lover looked at him like he was the most precious thing in the world, he didn't need Hiroki to tell him he loved him because it was written all over his face.

Nowaki stopped the tracing fingers with a gentle kiss on the tips. "Hiro-san." Nowaki could only whisper his lover's name as he trailed kisses down the brunette's long fingers and across his palm. He took hold of the warm hand and pressed it to his chest. "I love you so much, Hiro-san." Hiroki felt tears gather in his eyes at how gentle his boyfriend was being with him.

"I-" Hiroki cleared his throat and crushed Nowaki's hand in his. "I love you, too."

Shin pulled Onodera closer to him and felt the man lean into him, looking for comfort even in his sleep. Shin sighed and closed his eyes, liking the feel of Onodera's body pressed against his, it felt natural to him and he didn't want to let this man go. Shin knew that compared to Onodera his life has been easy, he'd had a stable job, perfect family, nice apartment and a string of whirlwind romances that left him brokenhearted but he got over them easily. He could already tell that once Onodera fell for someone there was no one else, but Shin wanted to be that person, he wanted to be the one Onodera smiled for and cried to. However, he could tell from the moment he saw the brunette that it was not going to be easy and he would probably never be Onodera's significant other, no matter how hard he worked and how much he wanted it. With these thoughts spinning round his mind, Shin fell into a restless sleep holding the one man he knew he could never have.

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**Okay, i know this was short and kinda sucked but i needed to write a little fluffiness in this story somwhere ^^ haha**

**please let me know what you think by reviewing or pm ^^  
**

**next chapter will be a lot better i promise! :D**

**~til next time ^^**


	13. Chapter 13

Takano sighed and stuffed his hands into his pockets, he knew it probably wasn't the best idea but he needed to see Onodera again. He couldn't lose him for a second time. So the raven-haired man found himself stood outside his ex-lover's apartment at 7am, hoping the man would be home. He raised one hand to knock but hesitated, he took a deep breath and knocked loudly. When there was no response he knocked again and pressed his ear to the door, the apartment was silent and he stepped back in defeat. He ran his hand through his hair and looked at the neighbour's door, he didn't want to disturb Nowaki, the poor man looked stressed enough as it was, so instead he pressed his back to the wall by the door and sank down to the floor to wait for the brunette to return.

Takano didn't have to wait for very long, a half hour later the sound of footsteps could be heard on the stairs and Takano scrambled to his feet to see Onodera leaning against a sandy-haired man Takano had never seen before. Jealousy bubbled in Takano's stomach but he forced it down, Onodera had been with many men, this didn't mean anything. The raven-haired man stood patiently by the door and his presence was only noticed when Onodera was right by the door. His body stiffened and he glanced up at Takano through his lashes. "What are you doing here?"  
Takano smiled and gripped his hands together. "I thought maybe we could hang out a bit."

There was a silence until the sandy-haired man stepped around Onodera and frowned up at Takano. "Who are you? How do you know Onodera?"

Onodera put his hand on Shin's shoulder, an action that didn't go unnoticed by Takano. "Leave it, Shin. Come on, let's go inside." Shin gave Takano a disgusted look before following the brunette inside, slamming the door behind him.

Takano pounded his fist on the door and shouted at Onodera to let him in, but he knew it was useless so instead, he sat on the ground, leaning against the wall by the door to wait for that guy to leave.

Onodera stood by the door as Takano shouted at him to open up, his heart twisted in his chest, oh how he wanted so badly to open the door and let him in but he knew he couldn't. By opening the door, he would have to let go of his past, let go of all the wrongs he'd done and accept Takano's feelings that were so obviously written all over his face. He just couldn't do it. He knew Takano deserved better than someone broken like him, someone who would never be fixed no matter how much people tried.

He kicked his shoes off with a sigh and heard Shin moving around in the kitchen, he wondered if maybe he could start a life with Shin. He was kind, he obviously cared for the brunette and Onodera knew he could convince himself into liking him if he tried. So why not? Why not give this man a go? Taking a deep breath, Onodera moved into the house and grabbed the back of Shin's shirt, turning him around so their faces were inches apart. "Onodera?"

The brunette looked into the plain eyes in front of him and although they didn't hold the fire of his first love's amber eyes, he could come to love them. "I want…" Onodera trailed off and cleared his throat, never being good with expressing his feelings. "I want to try it with you."

Shin's eyes widened and his heart began to beat faster at the thought that Onodera was finally opening up to him and accepting his feelings. "Okay."

Their lips crashed together clumsily as they desperately pulled each other closer. Onodera's hands began to shake as he pulled Shin's shirt up and over his head, he kissed down the soft skin of his neck and ran his hands up the slim torso. "Nn." The sweet moans coming from Shin encouraged Onodera to continue even though he'd never taken the lead before.

He ran his fingers down the middle of Shin's abdomen and came to rest at the top of his jeans, he looked up at Shin and smiled slightly before undoing the jeans and pulling them down to pool around his ankles, closely followed by his underwear. "O-Onodera…" Shin leaned back against the side and tilted his hand back as Onodera began to stroke his member.

Just as Onodera brought his mouth to Shin's erect member, there was a loud knock on the door and shouting from Takano to open up. The brunette pulled back slightly and felt a pang in his heart and tears filled his eyes. He stood up and backed away. "I'm sorry. I can't do this."

Shin stood there in shock and quickly pulled his underwear and jeans back on. "What do you mean? Just because of that man out there?" Onodera shook his head and turned away, he opened the fridge door and pulled out a bottle. "It's none of your business. You should go now."

Shin laughed in disbelief and pointed to the door. "It's him isn't it? I'll go and talk to him, I'll tell him to leave you alone."

Onodera took a swig of the alcohol and shoved Shin away from him. "Just get out. I don't need you."

Shin felt his heart stutter and break. He hung his head and wiped a tear away. "I was only trying to help you, Onodera. I thought you….I was obviously wrong." Shin took a deep breath and reached out to the brunette one more time. "Listen, you're obviously going through something at the moment and I get that but don't push me away. I can help you, I'll be here for you, I won't leave you."

The bottle was nearly empty and Onodera cast a side-ways glance to the man he thought he could convince himself to like. "I can't."

The brunette went to the door and was about to open it when Shin grabbed the bottle from his hand and smashed it onto the ground. "Don't open the door. Please." Onodera looked down at the broken glass and then at Shin who's chest was heaving and his hands were gripped tightly into fists.

Onodera gripped the door handle and watched Shin's face crumble as he pulled open the door to reveal Takano stood there, hand in the air about to knock again. "What do you want, Takano-san?"

Takano had heard the moans coming from inside the apartment and snapped, he had to stop that man touching Onodera at all costs, but he never thought banging on the door would actually work. He opened his mouth and closed it again, at a loss for what to say. "I…I love you, Onodera." His mouth snapped shut and he lowered his hand, he hadn't meant to say that, even if it was true.

The brunette studied the man before him and suddenly felt Shin barge past him and launch himself at Takano with a cry.

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**DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUN**

**What's gonna happen next? :O  
**

**please review ^^  
**

**til next time! :D**


	14. Chapter 14

Takano fell back, all the wind knocked from his lungs. His back smacked into the ground as a wild-eyed man sat on his stomach, bringing a fist back to punch him round the face. Takano quickly reached up and grabbed hold of the fisted hand, this caught Shin by surprise and was easy to throw off. In a matter of seconds their positions were swapped and Takano was the one leaning over him. "I would think very carefully about this if I were you."

Shin scowled and wriggled out from under Takano, scrambling to his feet and gesturing wildly towards Onodera who was just leaning on the doorframe watching the two men fight over him. "You don't love him. You just want to use him and throw him away like before." Takano's eyes widened in momentary shock before a smug smile played on his lips.

"And I suppose you're going to be his knight in shining armor, saving him from the big, bad man trying to break his heart? Is that how you see it?"

Shin felt a blush on his cheeks but he wouldn't let the man make fun of him. "For your information I happen to love Onodera."

Takano laughed and shook his head. "No. You don't. You just think you do because it's been so long since any man has had his hand down your pants that you can convince yourself you're in love just to get what you want."

Shin pursed his lips together and turned to see Onodera staring at him, a blank expression on his face. "Onodera that's not true. I-"

Shin was cut off by the opening of the neighbour's door. Nowaki stepped out with slightly ruffled hair and a flush on his face. "What's going on out here?"

There was a silence when Onodera left the confines of his doorway and made his way over to Nowaki. "These two seem to think insulting each other is going to make me like them."

Nowaki sighed and ran his hand through his messy hair. "Will you two please just cut it out? Hiro-san is busy trying to work and I'm just tired of all this. Either both of you leave right now and don't come back or grow up and stop arguing like a pair of kids." Nowaki took hold of Onodera's hand and pulled him inside, slamming the door shut behind him.

Takano and Shin both stared in disbelief before turning to each other, accusation in both pairs of eyes.

Nowaki sank down onto the couch and rested his hand on Hiroki's head, he was so busy tapping away on his laptop he didn't even notice Onodera stepping into the apartment. "Hiro-san why don't you go into the bedroom?"

Hiroki paused and looked up at his lover. "I have work to do, Nowaki."

Nowaki smiled and shook his head before pointing towards Onodera. "I need to talk to Ritsu for a minute."

Hiroki glared at the brunette before gathering his stuff and moving to work in the bedroom.

Onodera stood uncomfortably and shifted on his feet. "Ritsu look at me." Onodera met his friend's eyes and finally saw how tired and worn out he was. "I can't do this anymore. I don't want to abandon you but I can't keep chasing after you every time you go off with a man. I can't keep listening out for when you'll stumble back either drugged up or drunk. I just…." Nowaki heaved a sigh and rested his head in his hands. "I don't like saying this to you but you need to wake up and face reality. Your actions are causing everyone nothing but trouble and you're only making your life worse for yourself. Don't you get it?"

Onodera stood stunned at the words coming from his friend. He thought, of all people, Nowaki understood. He felt tears gather in his eyes but he quickly wiped them away as Nowaki got to his feet, anger suddenly blazing in his eyes. "Don't you dare look at me like that! Do you know how much I've given up to help you? Don't you know how many sleepless nights I've had worrying that one day you might finally take it too far? Your cutting, the drinking, the drugs you claim not to know about. Ritsu your killing yourself and you're dragging me down with you. I can't do this anymore!" Nowaki stopped and took a deep breath before clenching his shaking hands into fists and looking down at the floor. "I gave up my doctor training to help you."

Onodera began to shake his head, not believing what he was hearing. The strength left his legs as he sank down to the floor. "No…I never meant…I didn't want that…." The brunette began to let loose the tears and soon his whole body shook with barely suppressed sobs. Instead of rushing over and holding Onodera like he normally would, Nowaki just stood and watched. In his heart he knew he couldn't really leave Onodera on his own, but he was just exhausted and tired of shaping his life around someone else, and someone that wasn't even his lover. He'd sacrificed his precious time with Hiroki in order to help Onodera and he couldn't do that anymore.

Nowaki ignored the guilt that welled up at his words, he ignored the torn and broken look in Onodera's eyes as he spoke his next words. "It's time for you to let go, Ritsu. I can't be there for you anymore. You need to forget about the past, put it all behind you and move on. I need my own life back. I need to have my dream of being a doctor and I need to be able to hold my own lover in my arms without you getting in the way."

Onodera bit his bottom lip and wiped his tears away. "I can't just forget. How can I forget everything?"

Nowaki sighed and rubbed his eyes. "It's not going to be easy, I know an abusive childhood and a broken heart aren't easy to recover from but drinking yourself senseless and sleeping around is not the way to do it."

Onodera's breath hitched, he'd forgotten that he never told Nowaki his darkest secret. The one he was most ashamed of. He slowly got to his feet and the world swayed for a few seconds before righting itself and Onodera was finally able to reveal his secret. "I murdered my father."

There was a long silence while Nowaki stared at the brunette in shock. "I fucking murdered my own father!" Onodera's chest was heaving as if he'd run a marathon. "I stabbed him."

Nowaki felt his face pale and he brought a shaking hand to his mouth.

Onodera looked down at the ground, scrunching his eyes shut at the memory as he finally told someone what happened that day. "I came home from school to my parents arguing. It wasn't any different to normal except this time something just felt different. The air around my father was a lot more aggressive. I watched as he bashed my mother's head against the cooker, I don't know how many times, but I know she was dead before he stopped." Onodera swallowed around a hard lump in his throat before carrying on. "I ran over to her, but I knew it was too late. We fought, but before I knew it, I'd stabbed him. I watched both my parents die that night. I'm a murderer. A filthy, disgusting murderer." Onodera looked up to see Nowaki leaning heavily against the sink, looking like he was going to vomit. "I called the police and the ambulance even though I knew it was too late. I was questioned and I told them everything about the abuse and how I'd stabbed my father and a small part of me had enjoyed seeing him in pain after everything he'd done." Onodera felt a twisted smile on his face as he carried on talking. "I couldn't help but feel relieved that I wouldn't be beaten every night, but then around that time Takano-san decided to dump me. I tried to kill myself several times while they'd kept me in foster care and eventually I was sent to a mental home to be 'fixed'. All they did was shove pills down my throat and strap me down to a bed so I couldn't try and kill myself again. I was in that place for five years until they thought I was ready to be released."

Onodera stopped talking and threw himself down onto the sofa. "So excuse me if I find it a little hard to forget the past."

Nowaki shook his head and heard the bedroom door click shut. They both turned to see Hiroki looking just as pale as Nowaki, leaning against the bedroom door. He cleared his throat and made his way over to the kitchen, he grabbed three glasses and filled them with water before handing one to the brunette on the sofa and leaving one on the counter for his lover.

Hiroki stood over the brunette and looked down at him. "I'm sorry for everything that happened to you, but I can't allow you to go on ruining Nowaki's life too. I know that Nowaki will never be able to abandon you because that's just how he is, but I feel nothing except pity for you and your life. You need to open your eyes and see the suffering to the people around you instead of selfishly drowning out your own pitiful feelings. Nowaki has given up his dream for you, Takano-san obviously loves you and it's obvious since the last time I saw him that he's lost weight and that other guy…" Hiroki paused, forgetting his name. "That other guy you have round, you need to stop stringing him along. You need to sort your life out and quickly because if you continue to bother my lover I will not stand for it."

Onodera took a large gulp of the water and set it down on the coffee table. He bowed his head in acknowledgement before making his way from the apartment, his chest feeling hollow and his heart feeling heavy. He slipped on his shoes and hesitated by the door, he looked over his shoulder to see Nowaki crying and Hiroki watched him with a firm eye to see that he got the message and leaves. Onodera nodded and shut the door quietly behind him.

Both Takano and Shin had heard the whole thing inside and stood with shocked expressions as Onodera stepped out. Takano was the quickest to recover and was right by Onodera's side, wrapping his arms around the brunette and placing loving kisses on the top of his head. "I love you. I love you so much, Onodera."

Shin looked at the two and knew that Onodera still loved the man, despite everything, Takano was the only one for him. Takano looked over and saw the resignation in Shin's eyes, he felt a little sorry for the man, but only a little. He was finally able to hold Onodera in his arms again.

"Onodera?" Shin's voice shook as he spoke. "Thank you for everything but I can see you will be well taken care of. See you around." Shin bowed before racing away from the one man who had truly captured his heart.

Takano continued peppering Onodera's hair with kisses as his body shook with tears. The brunette didn't have the strength to hide from Takano anymore, he felt his shoulders sag and his body relaxed into the warmth. "Ono…Ritsu how about we go inside?"

Onodera felt the arms begin to leave him and in desperation to keep the warmth he threw his arms around Takano's waist. "…Just stay like this…please." Takano was surprised by this but nodded and held the brunette even tighter. "For as long as you need."

Onodera buried his face into the raven-haired man's chest and breathed in the smell of soap, cigarettes and something that was just distinctly Takano that hadn't changed since high school.

Takano ran a hand through Onodera's hair and leaned down to murmur in his ear. "You know I don't care about anything you did in your past. I love you for who you are now and nothing will change that. I'm willing to help you face your past and I don't care what it takes. I'll do anything for you, just don't push me away." Takano moved back and gently placed a hand under Onodera's chin, wet with tears, he lifted his love's head up so their eyes met and more tears spilled from the brunette's shining eyes. "I love you, Onodera Ritsu." He brought their lips together in a bittersweet kiss that the brunette melted into, knowing that this kiss would either save him or ruin him.

They broke apart, both breathing hard despite the gentleness of the kiss, and stared hard into each other's eyes. "Ritsu." Takano breathed before pressing their lips together once again.

Onodera moaned into the kiss and tangled his fingers in Takano's hair, pulling him closer. Their bodies pressed tightly together as they got lost in the kiss and in each other.

They clumsily stumbled back until Onodera's back hit the wall and he was pressed between Takano's hard chest and the cold stone of the wall behind him. Takano pulled away from the kiss but kept their lips just brushing as he spoke. "I love you so much. Please don't leave me again."

The open and raw emotion in Takano's voice twisted Onodera's heart and he reached up to cup Takano's face in his hands. He wished he could promise the man, he wished his personality wasn't so messed up and he wished that Takano's love would be enough to help him, but he knew that he couldn't change so easily. "I can't promise you that." Takano's heart sank and he began to step away but Onodera held his jaw and pulled him back so their foreheads were pressed against each other. "I can't promise you a happily ever after. I can't promise you that I will get better. I can't promise you that I won't sleep with other men."

Takano laughed bitterly. "Is this supposed to be making me feel better?"

Onodera pressed his lips to Takano's in a desperate kiss before carrying on. "I can try. I can promise you that I'll try." Takano smiled against Onodera's lips before claiming them once again.

"That's good enough." He managed to whisper in between frenzied kisses.

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**everyone i have a dilemma! **

**do i leave this as the final chapter or write another?**

**because i don't think this is a bad place to leave it but i don't know if you guys want to see more?**

**please let me know! ^^**

**what did you think? did it seem a little rushed? or did nowaki's confession to onodera followed by hiroki's stern talk seem okay?**

**hope you enjoyed this chapter ^^**


	15. Chapter 15 - There will be a sequel!

I just want to let you all know, Twisted Fate is now finished

I was indecisive for a while what I wanted to do and I've decided to end it here

It was really awesome writing this and seeing that so many of you enjoyed it!

Thank you very much for reading! :D

Good news though!

There will be a sequel to it! :D

Wooooo

For now I'm going to focus on Captive Lover and Junjou Vampire, but once Captive Lover is finished then I will get to work on the sequel! (shouldn't be too long…)

I also have an idea for a crossover between Sekaiichi Hatsukoi and Junjou Romantica involving all couples so please look out for that one too ^^

So, thanks again and I hope to see you in the sequel! :D


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